Husb spent New Year's Eve with Girlfriend instead of me (wiHusb spent New Year's Eve with Girlfriend instead of me

Husb spent New Year's Eve with Girlfriend instead of me (wife) and 11 year old son. Of course he says the situation is my fault and I owe him an apology. He has no regret for cheating and seems to enjoy flaunting it in my face. I'm saving $ for divorce lawyer. I am sick to death that he has been this cruel all along but I didn't see it. Worried son will become the same.

2 Hearts

Good on you for preparing to get rid of him. The only solution. You will know instinctively if your son is the same. If he's not its a bonus. If he is then let him go on his own path.

1 Heart

You have to stop showing emotion when he tells you something he is doing it on purpose to get upset tune him out have selective hearing he will stop when he realizes your not reacting anymore

1 Heart

when we separated he moved into an apartment over the garage. It is on my property but separated from my house. At the time I was just relieved to get him out of the house -- I tried for months to get him to leave and the garage apt (built by my mother btw -- she lived here 3 yrs before she died) was the only "option" he claimed. Said he had nowhere else to go.
Over the course of our 15 yr marriage I started to take on more and more of the financial responsibility until eventually I was paying for everything -- mortgage, utilities, cell phones, food, etc. Husb doesn't work -- he's on ssa disability. I receive ssa money on behalf of son and husb constantly pushes for me to sign it over to him.
Husb has drained my finances and where I used to have a cushion I now live paycheck to paycheck.
The horrible part is this: usually I stay away from him, no contact, etc., but sometimes, I feel compelled to talk w/him about relationship. I know it's a mistake but I cannot help it. I need to know if he has any comprehension of the awful pain he is causing me. Of course I never get an answer -- I only get a recitation of how the affair is my fault bc I "kicked him out."
I do see a therapist -- need to set boundaries, self-care, etc.
the sick part is That some days (not all) I can't stop obsessing about him and wishing I had him back. But he is so emotionally & verbally abusive and a liar -- almost pathological. What is wrong with me? If a friend was in the same situation I'd tell her to run for the hills, yet here I am, obsessing and missing him. Again, what is wrong with me?

@Libbeee1492 Think of it like you are a drug addict and he is a drug because that’s exactly what it is. It is an addiction. He has molded you and manipulated you over the years so that you need him desperately. You have to refocus your thoughts on to yourself and stop thinking about him. It is a process and you have to take it one day at a time with baby steps. put a plan in place and think about you and your son not about him. You cannot help him you cannot fix him because he does not have a problem in his mind. It is all a waste of time and energy and the love that we gave these cool vicious creatures. Today is your day to stand up for yourself and get a grip on reality. It’s a very hard pill to swallow.

Did he ever really love me?

@Libbeee1492 he probably loved you for what you could do for him but they are in capable of the full emotion of love. It was a very hard pill for me to swallow because I didn’t fully understand about narcissistic personality disorder but I became such a bookworm on the subject to help myself have an understanding so that I never fall into this type of relationship ever again. That’s if I even get into a relationship again because I’m so afraid at this point to let anyone into my life. It was very devastating. To me it’s a phenomenon. Narcissis cannot form emotional attachments to people. They mimic you. They are puppeteers

And he threw me away when I pushed back and questioned him.
He also is quite possessive of son-- son likes spending time w/him bc no rules, structure, can watch tv all day --
How long before you started to feel better and not obsess over your ex?
Also even tho he is indulgent toward son, what are some red flags to look for? Obv I'm not present when husb interacts 1-1 w/son.