My husband had a spinal fusion last June of L3-L5. This was a very defining moment in our lives. We are in our early 30's and have 2 kids: ages 2 and 1. The baby was born 2 months after my husband's surgery. His recovery was very slow and painful and nearly destroyed our lives. He has lived in terrible pain since the surgery. His doctor said there was nothing they could do to help. I finally convinced him to get a second opinion. They new doctor said the fusion had healed and his pain was mostly likely from the hardware. So we were all set to have everything removed next Monday and for the first time in over a year thought we might get our lives back, our boys would finally get their daddy back. Overnight in the hospital then a 2 week recovery. Very do-able. He went to the doctor yesterday and found out the tech who read the MRI had been wrong the fusion had not healed properly and now instead of remove the hardware they are taking a piece of his hip and trying the fusion all over again. 5 days in the hospital over a hour away and months of recovery. My heart breaks for my husband and I have been there for him every painful step of the way. But I'm scared. I have been raising our boys on my own because by the time my husband gets home from work (he has to work, disability doesn't pay enough to feed the kids and pay the mortgage) he is in so much pain he just passes out. I don't know how to do this anymore. I want to help my husband but don't know how. I'm heartbroken for my boys who just want their daddy. I just don't how we are going to get thru the months ahead.
I read your other post & I'm so sorry honey this is gonna be a life long ongoing course/struggle for all of you. With all that you've accomplishing/balanced on a daily basis I hate to ask if you have any options in mind for you & the future of your family. Are there any other family members that may be capable of assisting you w/the kids while you seek further assistance or possible parttime employment if need be? I'm well aware of the cost of childcare & even babysitting. What about disability Insurance when the time comes even though its not enough & Social Security from his end if all else fails along w/you seeking something like babysitting in your home or rent a room out for extra money. Talk to us when you feel like it, your hand are very full.
April
Holding it together,
You don't know how much I appreciate your post. Even though you are going through a very hard time and it seems as if things will never get better, it will. I am facing a possible spinal fusion as well. Except instead of being the daddy like your situation, I am the mommy. I have been having major pain and major depression from the pain since last June. I already had one back surgery that helped but only for 2 months. I know how hard it is and believe me I know it is killing him to not be able to do more. I am happy to hear that you are being supportive. I know how frustrating the whole situation is. My kids are 5 and 3. I am not working at this time but I am getting some money from workmans comp as I got hurt at work. They are being jerks though and only giving me partial though my dr wrote me out totally. Please continue to be supportive of your husband. I always tell my husband he has no idea of what it is like. I don't think people can totally understand back pain until you are there. You said your husband is on disability?? I don't know much about it as I just started to look into it. I do know that there is also social security add ons to disability. These are for people that need extra money due to the main person losing their income. I also know that for each child you have you get extra money on disability. I have an attorney doing mine, so they told me about it. You may want to look into the "extras" you can get with disability. It may help lessen the burdens you are facing. I am thankful that my mom lives only 10 min away as well as my 2 sisters. I am only 35 so I know the feeling. My family helps me when I can't do it. My husband isnt too supportive; he thinks at times I am making it up. Just continue to be supportive; that is what he needs the most. Sending lots of well wishes and supportive thoughts.
Kerry
Hi Kerry,
I am sorry for what you going thru. I can relate to allot of what you said. About people not believing the amount of pain your in. It's terrible to be in pain and then to have people that love you not believe you is unfair and hurtful. I have seen the same reaction from both side of our family. They just don't get it. It's great you have family to help.
I wish I had some positive things to say but I feel like the man I fell in love with died on the operating table after his first surgery. I will say the second surgery did help. They removed his hardware and his pain has lessened but he is still in pain everyday. He is nothing like the person he was before, the pain has turned him into an abusive monster. I try every minute of everyday to be understanding and supportive. But it's so hard. There is no talking to him. There is no making him understand.
I'm glad to hear you are trying to see the positive and enjoying your kids and making the best of the situation. That takes so much strength. I am sorry I can't tell you that after the second surgery we got our happy ending. But that doesn't mean it's not in the cards for you. Don't give up! Every one is different and healing is both physical and mental. One won't work without the other.
The second surgeon recommended my husband should find a rehab doctor which is different from a physical therapist. It's an actual MD who specializes in rehabilitation. I had never heard of this before. Of course my husband gives me every excuses not to but it might be something for you to look into.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you find something that help. Stay strong. Stay as positive as you can.