I am 57y/o and just got diagnosed with HSV2 and I am devasta

I am 57y/o and just got diagnosed with HSV2 and I am devastated. I am engaged to my partner who I’ve been with for a little over 4 years. We bought a property together and for the first time in my life I feel happy, settled and at peace. And then today got the diagnosis and I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. I have no idea how I got. I’ve had a small genital sore 3-4 times over the last 2 years I think but never thought it was herpes. Finally had the sore swabbed a week ago and got the results this morning. In the last 18 years I’ve had 3 long term partners, including my current partner. I was with one partner from 2005 to 2012 and another partner between 2013 to 2015. I didn’t know of either having herpes. The only person I’ve had sex with since 2015 is my current partner but I am almost 100% sure he didn’t give it to me. My biggest worry is giving it to him. In fact I can’t believe he hasn’t got it from me in 4 years. My other big worry is that I know that if I tell him I have herpes he will leave. I am sure of this because he has germs phobia and there is no way he will stay and have sex with someone who has herpes. Even if by some miracle he stayed, he would not be able to touch me. Ever. This knowledge kills me. My doctor immediately prescribed antiviral meds and I have started taking them today. i read the herpes booklet but I am lost. I don’t know what to do now. Where do I turn now? What do I do? I don’t want to loose my partner. Any word of advice would be appreciated.

@Mimzi Welcome to the group. I know it is very difficult for you right now but please know that you are not alone and that your life isn't over. Have you considered the possibility that your current partner gave it to you because he does not know that he has it? I can only guess at his response to finding out that you have HSV2 but from what you wrote it sounds like the most likely scenarios are that he gave it to you or you have had it a long time and only recently noticed. It is possible for it to be dormant for decades, as well as causing a major outbreak within days of exposure. Both are within the normal range of experience although not the most common. He needs to get tested to see if he has it. There are several tests and getting both can help determine if the exposure was within a few months, but outside of that window it will only tell you that you have it. If he has it then he may choose to stay with you just because you both have it. It is a common response although not one I always agree with. If he does not have it and decides to leave you over an intimate case of acne then you are better off without him. HSV is just a skin condition, and if he can not see more than skin deep you are better off without him. HSV is nothing like the hype, and anyone who is incapable of understanding that is incapable of being a good life partner in my opinion. Please read my post on why someone will choose to love you when you have HSV as I once made that choice. I hope that helps, as many of us have been where you are now and made it through just like you will. Please ask any questions you have, and let us know how it goes and if we can help. Good luck.

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Mimzi He needs to get tested. Some people have it and don't know it. From the timeline you've given, there's a good possibility you may have gotten it from him. That's what happened to me with my x husband. We were together for a long time (maybe 1 to 2 years) before I got tested. It came from him, but he didn't know he had it. If you both have it, to me it becomes less of an issue. If he breaks up with you just because of that, especially if you didn't know you had it, he's not someone you want to be with long term.

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as Moderator of this group, i echo the comments above ~ ***BUT*** may i state that "How You Relay" the message is paramount to the outcome!

you may want to address the issue as non-invasive by stating that you want him to be tested before proceeding with any future endeavors just to be safe.
While you are **Gently** discussing the issue, you may want to interject the topic of herpes ^^^CASUALLY^^^. as you discuss it, enlighten him with all there is to know about it.

as stated above, this is actually a good "Acid Test" of his personality/integrity and will prove whether he is worthy of you and your future. being you've been with him this long, he must love you deeply and **Should** love ALL OF YOU! it's what happened to me. i have type2 genital and all my dates including my now wife of 24 yrs loved me and we always proceeded to that next level. to the best of my knowledge i never passed it on to my dates. my spouse HAS now acquired it after engaging in Hot Blissful marital foolishness... not happy about it, but the positives of being married far outweighed acquiring HSV.

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The test you want your clinician to order when screening blood for HSV antibodies is the:
******* HSV Type-Specific IgG Antibody ******* blood test.

Antibodies = the immune system’s response to the presence of HSV (or any foreign organism) in the body. You won’t have antibodies to HSV if there is no HSV in your body. Antibodies are in your blood; the actual virus is NOT.
Viral DNA = the actual virus which can be found at the location of an outbreak lesion. The virus lives in the nerves at the base of the skull or the base of the spine, NOT in bodily fluids like blood, saliva, semen or vaginal fluids.

Common Test Types:
IgM (blood) – measures the “initial” antibodies found in the blood just after acquiring the HSV. Positive results may also reflect infection of chickenpox, mono or other human herpesviruses besides HSV, so this test is not recommended as a confirmed diagnosis without other testing to confirm.
IgG type-specific (blood) - measures the “long term” antibodies found in the blood, most commonly 4-6 MONTHS AFTER ACQUIRING HSV. False negatives results are common if tested less than 4 months after acquiring the virus, as there has not been time for the body to recognize the virus and produce sufficient antibodies. If you want to know if it is type 1 or 2, then you MUST ASK for the type-specific test.

PCR (swab) - the test that identifies the actual DNA of the HSV. This test is commonly referred to as a culture swab of an outbreak lesion. The most reliable “positive” result for HSV. A false negative is possible if you wait too long to swab the lesion after it first appears.
PCR (blood) – tests for the virus in the bloodstream which is a rare and serious occurrence. Healthcare providers may accidentally order this test. It is the WRONG TEST to screen for HSV and will give a misleading negative result.

Understanding Blood Tests:
The IgG type-specific test is the more accurate blood test for an HSV diagnosis. The IgG antibodies are the body’s more specific immune response after acquiring HSV. They are the immune system’s long term sparring partner and show up to “greet” the virus after the IgM antibodies have dissipated. IgG type-specific tests for antibodies in the blood. There should be a minimum 4-6 month wait from the initial exposure of HSV before you can rely on an accurate test result. This test looks for the “long term” antibodies the immune system creates to deal with HSV. Early testing can result in false negative results.

The IgM test will show up positive shortly after acquiring HSV. These are the body’s “meet-er” antibodies. The problem is they may “meet” other viruses in the herpes family (chickenpox; EBV, which can cause mono; shingles, etc.) and those can also trigger a false positive result for HSV. The presence of IgM antibodies will diminish after the initial acquisition of HSV. A negative result can occur if the person has had HSV for a long time or is tested immediately after exposure (it takes at least a few days for IgM to show up). If the person has had HSV for a long time, an IgM antibody test will typically result negative as IgM antibodies have subsided and the IgG antibodies more specific to HSV are being made by the immune system. It produces unreliable results and should be followed up in 4-6 months with an IgG antibody blood test for a definitive diagnosis.

Do NOT accept an order for a PCR blood test for routine screening. Unless you are very sick with viremia (the virus IN the bloodstream), this test will come back NEGATIVE.
Western Blot is a specialized IgG test done ONLY through the University of Washington Virology Department in Seattle, WA. To order the test, you must contact their lab.

Understanding Culture Swabs
Culture swab PCR detects the VIRUS found at the site of the outbreak so should be done only in the presence of an outbreak.
If the lesion is old and has started to crust over, there may not be enough viral DNA to trigger a positive test result.
A positive culture swab is the MOST DEFINITIVE positive HSV test result, as it detects the presence of the actual virus. On the flip side, waiting even one day too long can result in a negative test result, even though the person has HSV and an active herpes outbreak. Unlike with an IgG blood test, there is no waiting period when testing a lesion for an accurate result.

Ideally, have your partner tested BEFORE you knowingly expose him/her to the virus through oral, vaginal or anal contact. If that didn’t happen, the next best thing is to have them get an IgG type-specific blood test as soon as possible (within a week) after contact. If they have an outbreak, have them get the IgG blood test and a PCR swab. A positive swab along with a negative IgG would indicate a new infection.

In the absence of an outbreak, if they test positive on an IgG type-specific test, this indicates that they had HSV prior to sexual contact with you. If the IgG test is negative, a follow-up test 4-6 months after initial exposure is necessary to confirm the person indeed did or did not acquire HSV at the suspect time.
Should a relationship with a confirmed non-H person not work out, they should get the IgG type-specific blood test 16 weeks out of the relationship to recheck their status. Even though they may not have had an outbreak, it does not mean they did not contract HSV from you. Only about 20% (1 in 5) of people with HSV have any recognizable symptoms. The other 80% have no clue they have HSV because they don’t get symptoms
It is possible to be IgM negative, IgG negative and PCR negative, and still have HSV - with or without symptoms. Knowing the testing dynamics and timelines is important in understanding when follow-up testing is a good idea.

Thank you for your input. I would love to ask him to get tested but I am terrified that if he doesn’t have it, my life as I know it is over. We have an example of this kind of relationship in our life and his reaction was very predictable, considering he has OCD/germophobia. I have known my partner since 2006. We got together in mid 2018, but I can’t remember if I got any sores around then because they are smallish and I would not have though anything of it, and thought it was an intercourse burn. So I am not 100% sure if I got any before the one I took notice of, which was mid last year. We both know a guy who met a lady and a year into the relationship she found out that she has herpes. He stayed with her. They are still together 3 years on. My partner was absolutely at a loss that someone would knowingly risk getting an illness, and herpes nonetheless. He said he could not do that. So I know for a fact that if he does not have it, he will not be able to stay with me, not because he doesn’t love me but because he has OCD and fear of germs and would not be able to touch me any more. If someone has common cold my partner is in half panic, let alone having sex with someone with herpes. As a write this I can feel my heart breaking. When we were discussing our friend and his girlfriend, I never ever though that I would be in that same position couple of years later. Even I said that he should leave her!!! That’s how trifled I was of herpes too. So how can I expect him to stay with me now? Sorry, I feel broken and I don’t know who to discuss this with now. Is it possible I got it from one of the other two partners I had previously but never knew it until now? I have had HSV1 for as long as I can remember. Also, what are the chances of my partner getting it from me? I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Thank you.

@Mimzi (Now @Myzie )

  1. you have come to the perfect place to vent and discuss the topic! Welcome!
  2. knowing a couple with HSV is the perfect scenario to indulge in information and the BIG Picture/Dynamics of life with HSV! people are afraid purely because they don’t know or understand what living with hsv is all about. the more you understand and know, the less both of you will fear
  3. by him being OCD, it helps both of you to be very astute to the situation, and even more the chances of passing it will decrease!
  4. by him being OCD, it is something YOU must considerer whether YOU would want to be with someone with this ailment. it works both ways! you’ve been with him this long only because you love him so dearly! why wouldn’t the same apply to him? if it doesn’t, he doesn’t love you as much as YOU love him! THAT ISN’T FAIR!!
  5. when you acquired it and from whom is totally a moot point and shouldn’t even be a topic at this point!

think about it…