That was the message I left on the wall when I left the Facility I was at recently. It was fitting, because I had realized, that it was important for me to be able to move forward, that how I saw myself was a large part of the problem. Not that I see myself correctly to this day. To be honest, I feel fine, but since I have been back I have been getting several comments, like, "don't lose anymore weight" and really I have put on a little weight.
I am not sure what to think about that, but unfortunately it is triggering for me to hear that. It is disappointing, in that, perhaps, I still don't see myself as others see me. Perhaps, that I am 43 and can shop in the young adult males section should clue me in, but somehow it doesn't. I have tried to put on weight, but I am so incredibly resistant to the idea of it, that there is absolutly no way that I would let myself.
I have to wonder why people see fit to have to comment either way on how I or anyone else looks, anyway?
I did go to the gym tonight, and I had forgotten how many mirrors there are there. I did not like what I saw, so I tried not to look.
I did not over indulge, although I wanted to, I took it easy, but the thoughts of being in summer shape, keep ringing through my mind. I don't think I look so skinny, when I am bulked up with a little muscle mass.
Have a good one....
Hi John,
I agree that no one has the right to comment on anyone else's weight or appearance, but our society has become numb to respect in that area. AND, so many people comment about themselves in this way, so it sort of encourages others to make comments.
But you are right...and I think it's critical for you also, to begin to expand your view of yourself, in terms of 'seeing' who you are outside of your body size or 'fitness'. No one is 'fit' if they are underweight or dying from an eating disorder.
Please keep working your recovery plan and reaching out!
Take care...Jan ♥
Thanks janurse,
I am working on my recovery plan, but am struggling currently. Body checking really bad. Don’t like the way I fit in my clothes. Touching my torso, comparing, makes me want to do a thousand sit ups a day. It is horrible. It is all I can do to resist. Fighting off urges to restrict. My meal times are slipping back in time, as I feel like I am trying to push them back, like I wish they wouldn’t happen. The struggle rages on.
Please stick to what works for YOU, not what works for the ED!! Think about where you want to be in 5 years, and how the ED can end that dream or at least interfere.
You can do this.....you are more powerful, whether you can FEEL it or not!
Take care....Jan ♥