im a couple of days sober now and i feel emotionally drained because i ruined the best relationship i have ever had over the weekend. she says she will give me another chance but i have to turn my life around 100%. I know a.a. isn't going to do it for me because im not the religious type. So my question where else can i turn? i have to stop making mistakedsor im going to lose it all. i love her with all of my heart and i know for a fact she isnt going to put up with anymore of my b.s.
is anyone still awake? i would love to talk
Congrats on being a couple of days sober! baby steps are good! She is giving you another chance which is good. You need time to yourself to find some kind of solution with your problem. Don't be preoccupied with worrying about her leaving, just concentrate on helping yourself so you can get back to her faster. I am not the religious type either so AA kinda pissed me off. They promise not to be religious but the people who go usually bring it up. Some people just need that in their life, there is nothing wrong with it. There are pills that help kills the urge to drink. Is there an underlying cause for you to drink that you could work on to attack it from another side? Try making a list of things you love in live and keep it in your pocket..and instant reminder to not going back to the bottle. What is your biggest fear right now regarding yourself and alcohol? Are you scared that it will kill you or that you will always return to it? Try thinking another way (like my therapist told me): It all starts in the brain-the way you think effects the way you feel which makes you act a certain way. Cognitive Therapy...something that may help kick the urge when actual medical help isnt available.
Also two days sober and almost lost my longtime boyfriend Tuesday night. Have quit several times in the past and relapsed as well. Is there a reason you drink? For me, I believe it has been a combination of job stress and sometimes just boredom. I quit going to happy hour about a year ago and my drinking has been largely confined to home. My mother keeps harping on me to go to AA--I have been to a few meetings, but I did not feel it was for me either. I did not like the public testimonials or having to tell the world each meeting I was an alcoholic. I read once that once you stop drinking, you don't have to call yourself an alcoholic anymore. You wouldn't call someone who quit smoking a smoker anymore. Today you a non-drinker. There are medications that can help you through this--for anxiety, sleep, depression and a couple like campral and revia that have helped some get rid of the cravings. Those two didn't work for me, but the ativan and restoril have been particularly helpful in getting through the not drinking thing. A good psychologist can help you with this. Give yourself a break, get some rest, eat healthy and drink plenty of water. I have to make it work this time. I pray you can too.
Alcohol has ruined many lives and many relationships. The fact that you realize that you are an alcoholic is a good sign. Now you can do something about it. It won't be easy. But just keep reminding yourself that you have a wonderful woman waiting on you. And hopefully, someday soon, you will be able to thank her for saving your life.
Crash - you said a lot of good things in your post above. I've been sober for 11 days. I kind of like saying that I've been a non-drinker for 11 days. But I think I will hold off on that title for a while. I still have a long long long way to go. I still have bad drinking urges. And I'm worried I'll slip if I put myself in an environment where there is booze around. So I don't feel I've earned that title yet. And for me, I don't think that I can ever consider myself to be anything but an alcoholic. Even if I can manage to stay dry for 10 years. I know that if I ever have just one drink, I'll end up drinking uncontrollably again. And that makes me an alcoholic. If I sugar coat it, I run the risk of lapsing. I speak for myself here, I don't want anything in my life to be sugar coated again. So If I'm an alcoholic for the rest of my life, maybe I won't touch another drink ever again. But thank you - you gave me something to look forward to --- I want to earn the right to call myself a "non-drinker" someday.
Thanks to all that replied, it means alot as i am still sitting here at home not drinking waiting for her to come around.
If you love her and want to be with her you will make an all-out effort at sobriety. I’m assuming that she fell in love with you the person, and not the drunk person…nobody likes THAT guy. You should really do it for yourself, but if it takes her kicking you in the butt to initiate the process, so be it and good for her.
Try whatever program or support group that you’re comfortable with. Show her the person you can be…or used to be. It would be the best gift that you ever gave her.
And they lived happily everafter.
Hang in there. You said if you turn your life around, she will be there for you. Jump into sobriety wholeheartedly. Take care of yourself. Exercise if you feel up to it. Call a friend or family member and just say hi. And please keep posting and reach out for help in your community that you can afford. Do you have insurance? If not, you might be surprised how little real help can cost. Check into it with your county--there must be an agency that can help or a private psychologist or psychiatrist. It may do your heart good.
keep at it -- breathe -- remember we all make mistakes. You are not a "bad" person, just a person with a bad illness, with as many variations as there are people out there. keep searching for the treatment or combination of treatments that will work for you and try not to isolate yourself
hard to believe at the moment, but each day you stay sober you are getting that much healthier
be good to yourself, love yourself, and the rest will follow. I find reading the stories of others really helps -- keep us posted
Btw .. AA is not really religious it gets a bad rap for that .. My group tends to say higher power or as you see it?? So please don't not try AA because it's my second time back since 2007 and I went straight back in .. And it is helping me alot .. I'm atheist myself and just let the god pass me ... My drinking was so bad I can ignore the god word and work the program ... 43 days now x. And loving it .. Had a great day at the gym and eating really well sleeping and getting my life back ... Thanks for sharing everyone