I am feeling very down. My ex NARC did the old throw-me-away game again the day before last. I can't even talk to him. Only until my neighbors saw what I was talking about did I feel somewhat vindicated. He just talked about himself for literally hours--no one could get a word in edgewise. He has been abusive in the past and said things that would make your toes curl. WHY THE HELL DO I MISS HIM AND STILL WANT HIM??!!!!
3 Hearts
Stockholm syndrome. They condition us to love them.
1 Heart
That is it exactly Anas! We become programmed. When we are discarded or ignored, we don't feel loved. When they contact us to bring us back in we think "omg! He/she DOES love me". But the cycle will just continue. Welcome to the Narcissist Twilight Zone. Sounds crazy until you live it for yourself. Takes time to heal and get YOU back. No contact gives you vacation time to heal. Until then read up on it as much as you can to understand and talk here with those who have been in the zone too.
This is tabbys site and it is really helpful
lucyrising.com
3 Hearts
How long will I decide to endure this?! I am so sick of it, but so stuck at the same time. The worst parts are when I start thinking it's me and not him--talk about driving yourself crazy. I start thinking that perhaps he is "normal" and I am too this or that...
2 Hearts
Anas, you are right about the Stockholm Syndrome. My mother had suggested that as well and I didn't want to believe it because I tend to associate that syndrome with those who have been physically captivated and tortured against their will, but I stayed/stay because I have chosen to do so
1 Heart
The syndrome is very real and applicable to emotional abuse. I doubted myself too and continue to do so on occasion. First, it's one of the narc's tactics to make us doubt ourselves and always think we are the ones at fault. Logic here is quite simple though, has HE ever doubted himself? For my ex, the answer is no, she never ever entertained the thought she could be the one at fault. It's always me. Second, if you aren't normal and he is, why is he putting up with you? He is a free person and can leave. He knows that and chooses to torture you into staying, manipulating your thoughts, violating your rights and raping your soul. We all make mistakes and I am sure you did some. Have those mistakes been blown out of proportion and some even made up? What about his mistakes? When you confront him with one, does he admit it and fix it or does he "fake" apologize and then (somehow) it's your fault? I am sorry if I seem quite forceful. You did state he is a narc and this is what they do. I come here for a reality check when I feel low or the thoughts overwhelm me. I hope this helps.
1 Heart
@Anas76 Good point - a “reality check”. I am so grateful that I found this site. Only been a day - but THANK YOU ALL. I just want to get stronger.