I am in a tough one and I would appreciate any help. I have had sex with around 16-17 woman in my life and another 8-9 escorts or massage ladies.
I would say I lost an erection a minute or two into the sex probably 10 times and once or twice couldn't even get it up. But I never had that issue with the escorts I always stayed hard.
My whole life I always had crushes on woman masterbated to woman etc, although I never had a girlfriend and was always shy. I have at the very least made out with over 70 girls.
But around 5-6 years my porn got boring and I wasn't into it and then I got into incest porn( even though the thought of that I would never do in real life). Soon that got boring and I got into shemale porn, hard, very hard. I remember the first time I saw a pic of a Shemale I was disgusted, I got so into it that the mere thought of one in my head wild I've me a full on erection.
After time I couldn't hold it in so I finaly acted out with one. that led to me acting out around 20 times with shemales and I did everything imaginable, I always felt disgusted as soon as I ejaculated though. The one thing that scared me though is I never once had erection issues with a shemale I would be hard as a rock almost instantly, sometimes on the car ride over.
Last year I stopped watching porn and masterbating entirely for almost two months. The shemale desires to act out waned ( I'm sure I was still attracted to them) and I got semi erections texting or holding hands with woman two or three times , even had a wet dream or two, although once was a shemale.
Now for the past year I have had hocd ( I hope it's that) bad. Everytime I see a guy it's simply me judging them. I feel like all this could lead up to me being gay? Even though I never had a thought of that growing up and was semi disgusted at thought of kissing man. I've never had an erection to a man or wanted to kiss a man, but the problem now it's like before I could judge a man and be like I'm jealous he gets girls, now it's like I freak out and am like do I secretly want him?
That's the biggest freak out, when I notice a good looking guy, it's freaky now cuz before I wouldn't even blink twice , now when I notice one it drives me nuts and makes my thoughts go crazy. Also I get so nervous around woman now, I don't know if I want them or I want to want them.
Thoughts please ?!