I am new to this group and Hope this is the right place to s

I am new to this group and Hope this is the right place to say what is on my mind. Over the past year I have struggled with issues with my son and it is killing me. The earlier part of June of last year, he overdosed home fentanyl laced heroin with a prostitute that he was seeing at the time. The the next day he was arrested and went to jail. The day after that I was able to bail him out of jail and thought he was going to turn around but it went badly.
He kept returning time and time again to The Prostitute whom he said he was madly in love with and that she loved him. I watch my son spiral downward into inappropriate sex and drug usage. He stalled over a Year's worth of salary from me, he has threatened me actually harmed me and been extremely ugly and belligerent so often over the past year that I feel I have aged 20 years in one year. He kicked out one of the French doors in my home, sending shards of glass over my dogs and my friend got some in her hair and face. I called law enforcement and they made him leave and told him if he returned it would be trespassing.
Since then I received nasty text, phone calls, and he has returned on several occasions seemingly out of his mind and demanding things especially money. Each time he has returned I was forced to call law enforcement on him and have him removed from the property. One of those times he ended up in a residential inpatient facility but only stayed three days before returning to the woman he professed his great love for. There are so many other things that he has done that I won't go into here now.
I have many questions as to what I should do and am I doing the right things now for him by not enabling him. This is taking a huge toll on my physical and mental health, because I love my son and hate to see where he is in his life at this time. Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for being so long-winded. Thanks

He is a grown man and while you love him, you have to stop bailing him out and giving him access to you as he is abusive. Hopefully he will choose to get clean and be a good son, but he has to decide that for himself.

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Thanks for the insight C K Blossom.

That's why I think you're doing the right thing by not enabling him, JustJ60

Thanks Scat. It isn't easy at all and the only thing I am perfect at is not being perfect. Seriously, I appreciate your feedback. You would think overdosing and given Naloxone to bring him back from dying would have been his rock bottom, because it certainly would be mine. Anyway again, thanks

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@JustJ60 sure it is frustrating. I guess not everyone has the same rock bottom. I’m a pretty judgmental person so I try not to be. But ya I get what you’re feeling. It’s utterly frustrating. My ex was an alcoholic so I know.

Have you looked up a nar - anon meeting?

Thank You CK Blossom. I am moving a little slow today. I am looking into some meetings to understand my son's addictions. Also, hoping to see someone about new financial plans. How are you doing today?

@JustJ60 I’m so sorry. Just wanted to show support 2 u as u did 4 me last time. Hugs all around you!!! From Katgurl

Hello Katgurl's Tazz. I appreciate you checking in with me. I am feeling out of sorts today and not in a very positive place. I hope your day is going well and you are finding contentment and maybe even joy in your living today

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@JustJ60 each day might be better. Hugs :heart:

Normalme, thank you for the support and the offer for advice regarding my situations. Yes I do hope that I’m doing the right thing, because it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do to someone that I have loved. Again, I really appreciate what you have said and look forward to sharing more with you in a more private place.

JustJ60 I went thru a lot of bad stuff with my son, and up to that time, we were very close. Long story, but there were no drugs or prostitutes involved. Also, he was not violent towards me or family members, although, he fought horribly with his girlfriend who was the mother of his child. He got into legal trouble, and I helped him to the tune of thousands of dollars and with a lot of other things. He also stole from me using my bank account and credit card. He took years to grow up and straighten out. By years I mean up until he was about 27 or 28 when he decided to buckle down. He got his college degree and finally a good job. The toxic relationship with the girlfriend just ended as it should have years ago, but they have a son. I know he loves his son. Truth is he is still a bit of a work in progress. Unbeknownst to me, he has a panic disorder and is impulsive. His grandmother on his father's side has a Cluster B Disorder. Those kinds of things are inherited, and although he would not get a positive diagnosis for those types of disorders (thank GOD), those behaviors can be inherited and problematic. I've had other toxic relationships in my life so I'm not a stranger to bad behaviors and what can happen. Here's my suggestion. He doesn't sound safe for you or anyone close to you. I would give him space and not enable him anymore. Making that decision can be emotionally hard. Have you thought of writing him a letter and explaining "I love you but your behaviors are not acceptable," "I am choosing not to have contact with you anymore...." Whatever you want to say. Letters like this can be extremely beneficial for the person writing it and the person receiving it. It might not impact him now, but who knows down the road. You could even write him a letter and not send it to help yourself cut the ties. It occurs to me that he might have some type of emotional disorder going on. Things like that are hard to spot if you don't know anything about disorders and if the person you're dealing with is close to you.

Hello Mmadlecl, I just attempted to post a lengthy reply to your sharing and advice. Apparently, the site ate it. I will try to reply again. Thank you for taking time out to share with me.