I am new to this site, I am in a very unhealthy marriage. I

I am new to this site, I am in a very unhealthy marriage. I am constantly thinking about leaving and about divorce but feel unsure of my decision and not sure where to even start. There is always like a really bad day where I decide I am done, I make the decision that I can't do it anymore, then there is 2-3 good days so I forget about it. It is a cycle for sure. I have 4 children which makes the decision even harder, want the best for them, but also so sick of being unhappy. My husband is controlling, emotional abuser, sometimes physical. An example was we were going to a holiday party a few days ago, I took a shower and started to blow dry my hair, I wanted to look nice as it was a party, he came where I was blow drying my hair and said "I know what you are doing, I am not going with you if you do that, we are not going" I wasn't sure what exactly I was doing except drying my wet hair. I then went up stairs and did my makeup and started to straighten my hair, he came upstairs and said "knock it off" he unplugged the hair straightener and kicked me. I knew it was done and for not starting a huge argument my kids would here I quit getting ready, I put my hair in pony tail and put jeans and a t-shirt on. Looking nice for a party became not my choice, wearing my hair how I wanted or the clothes I wanted was not my choice anymore it was his. I am sick of living this way. I never know when what I wear, how I do my hair, will set him off. Even talking to certain people will set him off. I don't want to split my family up but I feel like life is too short, I just want to be happy.

@Sue33 Welcome to SG! You will meet many wonderful people here, findly called SG friends. The bottom of the page is a FAQ, it will assist you in navigating the site. The top right of this page are numerous group, also there is a Support Someone icon, familarized yourself with them. You may join as many groups as necessary. There are Emotional Abuse, and Relationship groups. Remember you're not alone, SG friends are here, to support, and be supported. Be strong the best is yet, to follow......