I am not gonna, I dumped my first boyfriend after a month fo

I am not gonna, I dumped my first boyfriend after a month for another guy. I was relationship with him for 1 year, and he dumped me. After that, I went into depression and started dating guys from tinder. I was pretty messed up that time, and wanted a relationship desperately, even I had intimacy with few of the guys I dated. I was on weed, alcohol, cigarettes. I had completely no control over myself. I was even neglecting my studies and got low grade in seasonal exams in college.
One day, in front of a junior batch, two professors scolded me that they are going to fail me if I don't do good in my finals. I don't know, but something happened after that incident and I suddenly stopped drinking, smoking weed. I uninstalled all dating app, ghosted all the obnoxious persons in my life. And made some good friends in my class with whom I haven't spoken before that much. I started hanging out with them. Although they used to drink, I sometimes used to drink occasionally but sometimes skipped hanging out with them.
I realised that I had to move on from that depression phase, and deleted all the pics that I had with that boyfriend and ghosted all his friends. To focus on being single again, I started a book blogging and it made me feel so good about myself.
But, I feel very lonely and cry, but the greatest fear I have is that, I may never find someone again and be forever again. My best friend have a bf and sometimes she talks about that but I ignore her, cuz I don't want to miserable about myself having no bf or a nice relationship. I feel sometimes really jealous about my friend having a bf. I have some guy friends and when they talk about relationships I snap at them and say that you cannot be trusted, that they have issues.
I sometimes want a relationship but I fear that I will not be able to trust that person.

1 Heart

sounds like you have done a lot of healing and taken lots of time for yourself. Al good things. I say, keep doing what you are doing. Take more time to continue to work on you. There is no need to rush into a relationship and then find you are not good for each other. In dealing with trust, that takes a deep look into your feeling, dealing with them and then addressing them in any future relationship.

Introvertany. I totally agree with Griz75. It is fantastic how you turned your life around and in track. That you wanted to change your life to a positive focus. AND. That you are completely capable to DO that (which is get back on track).
Life is about change You never know when you will find a partner...focus on yourself and maintaining all of your growth, maybe try something new (tennis? Jogging?) to be active and meet new people/carefully during pandemic

Hugs

@luna1994 I feel the same too.

If you need a friend or just someone to talk to you can message me anytime Ok

@des9999 okay :slight_smile: thanks