I am not sure how to use this

12-Steps-NA

Step1: i want it back.
Step2: i have to be struck by lightning bolt to understand myself.
Step3: i am not who which one i had, Satan or Jesus or both. But i would try to embrace others with more empathy and find out what makes them feel that way internally.
Step4: i nearly became a walking encyclopedia of why people can’t change. I will have to remind them.
Step5: i think i am supposed to be a ks. But I refused to commit to it because i don’t want to wear orange color and flops. I have to be more friendly when it comes to satanic rituals. I am bad and that is good. I can not harm a fly but i did once. I learned that it will still fly and i have a greater chance of challenges. No Chipotle = No fun
Step6: I really like my rules. It keeps me out of trouble partly. I prefer step 2 repeatedly
Step7: i admitted it here. If i tell people that in person. I will be locked away by NAMI from the stories that I have been told when i was younger. The reason why I do not want to tell.
Step8: i would have liked to have been there for them all. I want to die so badly and seriously lack the ability to go through with it. I do not want to wake up from a failed attempt. But to do it is a sign of disrespect to self and life. Which is when i realize how i can not go through with it. Like lighting bolt. I have to say goodbye to my family before walking out to the mailbox. I couldn’t do it. 2017 i had no choice.
Step9: when it comes to Oct1, ideally i don’t know. I just know he needed a reality check. I don’t hate him as much as I used too as myself. Punching the walls and the walls did nothing to me. I am mostly approaching this point with the people that were afraid of me and they were right all along. My alternate person needs serious rebuiltating and too be tight to a tree.
Step10: there is no right answer. Walking away is best because I don’t risk it wearing anything orange matching clothing. I have a phobia with that too.
Step11: i have to walk into the lightning bolt and admit my problems
Step12: to create more villians or heros? I think it would be best to be there for them all at their deadend and make sure that they reconsider like oct1