I am not sure if I am doing this right. I have never tried to seek help this way. I really do not talk to anyone about my pain. I am embarressed that my husband has cheated on me. it makes me feel I am less the woman I know I am. my role has always been the supporter not the one who leans on others. but I am so out of sorts and afraid my insecurities will cause the end of my marriage. can someone please tell me does the hurt go away it has only been 9 months since I found out for sure and since then what has been reveled is heartbreaking.
3 Hearts
I'm only 4 months in from finding out and things still haven't gotten better for me and my husband. Every day seems to be a struggle to hold it together and its taking its toll on me in every way possible. This website has been very helpful though. If you need to talk to someone or just want to get your feelings out, just post about it and there are a lot of great people here that will give you advice.
1 Heart
TY Lizziem333 the confusion, hurt and sadness is at times overwhelming. I cry a lot. my husband seems to be very remorseful but he has tricked me before. in the last 10 mo i have really been broken down to not much. I think by being able to utilize this site and get my feelings out hopefully I will start feeling myself again.
1 Heart
If he cheated on you, why do you feel that it's YOUR insecurities that may end your marriage? Isn't it his cheating that would be the cause?
1 Heart
@InMyDreams You are correct his cheating is the cause of my marriage being in trouble. I am not sure if anyone would believe what I have gone through in the last few months I cant even say it out loud I seem to choke on the words. i went to a theripist in the begining she was a help then we went together. He seemed to take in some of it but later I found out he did not take the advice 100 % to heart. God he broke my heart over and over. now he seems totally devoted to making this marriage work. everyday he works a little harder to fix what he broke. the reason I say “my insecurities” is because I am afraid to trust I still look and watch him closely. He keeps begging me to give him a chance and I try I’m just very tender and still afraid. I just need to know this sadness and mistrust will one day be over…
Hi Derhonda.
Im only a few weeks into finding out and its devastating.
His problem was always hooking up on the internet...that was easy for him because he could be someone else.He swore he d stop ,he was doing nothing wrong.But he always was, and d find out ....
Than he connected with his ex wife.seeing her and begging her to sleep with him and take him back....And again he is SORRY for making a mistake , and he didn t think he was doing anything wrong....
He has issues...and even though I feel awful , I know it s not my fault. Something in him is broken. We need time to heal from the trauma, and a good man would understand your insecurities , do what ever it took to rebuild a marriage, even if he resents you now checking upon him etc.
I didn t get that from my huband..it was shut up its over and I dont want to hear about it , it was a mistake.....
You ve stuck it out 9 months , and it seems like your husband wants to make it work.
1 Heart
@Tango28 thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I do want to believe him when he says he loves me and was in a dark place and will do what it takes to make this right. Believe me in the beginning I got the same as you. it is over let it go etc. the therapist was very good at letting him speak but then reminding him that although it might be over and you want to move on you must realize this only happened to her she is raw. she taught him how to comfort and to deal with my tears and how to reach out to say it is ok if you need to cry what can I do? this I am grateful to him for learning and practicing. I believe you when you say something in your husband is broken. It is the same here. I see the hurt in his eyes when he knows I am having a bad day. I wish this whole thing had never happened. the only thing that I get any comfort out of is that we seem so much closer because of it. this is why i am scared my insecurities will destroy us before I am able to finally get to know the husband he is becoming and i have forever wanted
the scream is so loud in my head i keep my lips tight together afraid that if i open my mouth the scream will start outloud and it will not stop. I am so angry and hurt. I dont know why I feel I have to continue to smile when I hurt. why do I do this to myself if I am unhappy ****** I should let those around me know I need HELP TOO!!!
2 Hearts
Take a deep breath girl......I know exactly how you feel ......Pasting a smile on your face for those around you when all you want to do is cry and scream ......I think each of us has been there.....
i wish my husband cared enough to make an effort....He apologizes in 1 breath and in the next, says he did nothing wrong.....
Trust is broken , and I don t know if I could ever look at him in quite the same way again...It will always be there.....
I think deep inside , we would all like to hurt them ,as much as they hurt us.....
You say some positive things about your husband, but you're afraid to believe and trust...and I don t blame you. But if he loves you, he will understand and give you the time to heal from the trauma. But please try to give him positive reinforcement for his efforts or he may stop trying.You seem to want to make it work ,but are scared......
2 Hearts
Every day is a challenge and a step forward. He messed up and hurt me so deeply repeatedly. For whatever reason he just stopped his behavior. Now he concentrates on his family. I know where he is every min he gives me more attention and love than he ever had. Do I have a right to want to know why? He said he was in a dark place he said I was always angry yes I was always angry I was angry because he was shutting me out I knew something was happening the more scared I got the more angry I became. I called a male friend to get advice I didn't know what to do he told me just be calm if not you'll chase him away. So I did I made myself a moto be calm be calm and smile. It was not easy but it seems the calmer I got the better things became in our relationship. What's a calm down I took myself to the plastic surgeon. I must say I look better today than I did 10 years ago he likes it to. I know we're going to make it I just have to get past my insecurities My mistrust and we have a lot to build back
1 Heart
Derhonda i know the feeling its been 6 months since i found a memory card of my husband having sex with a woman at a hotel he met while on a business trip
I so very sorry that happened to u