I am numb I want a relationship. I can't have a relation

I am numb
I want a relationship.
I can't have a relationship.
I want someone, need someone.
I am always hurting everyone.
I find you and take a chance, scared.
You say you love me.
I don't even love me.
Do I run?
I usually do run.
This time I stay.
Today I care about you.
Tomorrow I won't give a crap about anything.
We were just laughing as we watched a movie five minutes ago.
Now we are screaming at each other and you don't know why.
You walk out slamming the door.
I am numb again.
I want a relationship.
I can't have a relationship.
By SP

1 Heart

When did you discover that you couldn't have a relationship?

2 Hearts

: What is missing?

2 Hearts

I think everyone deserve a relationship.. so you dear.. but only with right person who loves you who u are.. not the one who only treat you bad, never appreciate you no matter what you do for him..... like my narc ex..

2 Hearts

I just discovered it was an endless cycle repeating about a month ago. Maybe I did before but that is when I stopped denying it. What is missing is my ability to control my emotions. I am spending this next year learning how. I am ok with the loniness until then as long as I can handle the downs of the ups and downs it has. ;)

1 Heart

@ShadowMe2 : I desperately want to have a life ‘shadow’ someday. And I’m quite emotional, myself. I’m proud of you to hear you say that you have some courage in being alone if necessary, though. That can be such a tremendous nemesis for not only women, but men as well. It’s a tremendous fear to conquer!!! I certainly hope you find your comforting shadow however one day very soon! :slight_smile:

: I've never been ambitious about it. It's mostly because I've been too neurotic, so I'm not good at leading by example. Isn't it just about simplicity and common sense though, Shadow? Have you made your romantic
ambitions too unrealistic considering your actual life circumstances? ... Or you just need someone who understands you better?

@Afflicted50 I have only been at it for not even 3 weeks and I try to look at it as a relationship with God. I talk to Him, pray, laugh, sing and stuff all the time. It helps with the lonilness some. But mostly I just keep as busy and stay as positive as possible. Does it work all the time? Heck no..but more than not.

1 Heart

@ShadowMe2 : I’m down with God! Very much so.

My faith has come and gone but has been strong for the past 5-6 yrs now. I have always traded from one addiction to another, so the SA has been since I was 11 yrs old.

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@ShadowMe2 : I was 9. And didn’t hit puberty 'til 15.

: I just can never again settle for less than something that's completely intimately transformational and completely intellectually and endlessly arousing... or I'll have to be content with valuable emotional connections w/out sexual interactions for the remainder of my life by eliminating ALL/EVERY mediocrity in lust. That may seem like pretty, but I can't see myself ever having any other successful choice, the way I've been influenced.

1 Heart