I am putting myself through torture. I just compiled an album of the beatings I endured and emails and some craigslist posts he has made while he has been with me for my protection of sorts. I need to have all of this on record because from the looks of it and sounds of it he plans on trying to put me in jail because of my yelling. I have never been so upset in my life and can't stop shaking. I feel I may have to go to the hospital. I feel like I am having A MENTAL BREAKDOWN.
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That's his game. It is a tactic on his part. Think about it...yelling isn't a crime. You have your proof of what he has done. Heck I would yell too (and have) with the kind of stuff narcs put us through
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@Yellowrose10 I have never felt this sick and out of my mind before.
Today is his last day of work week and I know he is going to bring in alcohol and I am sick of it because it's always worse with alcohol. Then he will go to the bar etc, then I will hear it again until he passes out. If he decides not to come home then I am wondering who he is with, what he is doing, who he is bashing me with.
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@Yellowrose10 He has actually been drinking on the way home that past few months, couple of tallboy beers and by the time he gets in the door he is pretty drunk. This life really sucks.
Okay he went outside to drink with a bunch of neighbors, great.
rumad, your safety is important. Don't be afraid to call the cops or go to a women's shelter.
@Appleblossom1 I understand, thank you.
My narc drove me to the edge of suicide... so close the cops were called and my minister showed up. Anyone who ever is so toxic that you live in fear is not a person worth destroying your life over, nor is the relationship worth saving. Sorry I'm butting in, but I'm hoping my hard earned lessons save someone some grief.
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You are not butting in my dear. I need people who understand and when I get better I will try to help whomever I can in anyway. It is toxic. I wonder why I am letting him get to me. I am smart but not genius. I cannot even believe that I ended up with someone like this. Why? Because in the beginning mirrored me, my personality, my likes, my dislikes, my humor. I thought I had found my soul mate. Gosh we used to be so funny together. People thought we were perfect for each other. People said we were so alike. NO, I am not like him! I have feelings. I don't study people so I can pretend relate to them. I am real. I have flaws. If I am pushed beyond the brink lookout, but it takes alot tomake me angry. Angry I am.
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Hi, rumad. I’m so sorry for your meltdown today. Just do your best to get through one hour at a time, until the sun rises tomorrow.
This soul mate concept is a common one among victims of narcissism, I’m learning. Feeling like we had finally found our life’s soulmate was the source of so much loving joy, at least until the bottom dropped out and the devaluation started. Then we’re left wondering “What in the hell happened?”, and we were left to ask, over and over and over, what in God’s name happened here.
We are here for you, baby.
@Yellowrose10 I read an article recently that says just this. A narc will seek an empathetic, not sure why, can’t remember. A narc will also choose a smart and or beautiful person to show them off. It feeds theirs ego. “Look what I have”. But behind closed doors… ugh!
We often get people who speak their minds when we are together, this is basically what they say. And by no means am I saying I am gorgeous or anything. “WTH you doing with this guy, you can do better”. Basically the same thing at least once a week. It does feed my ego a bit but as a grown woman I know looks don’t matter. To see him squirm is a delight to say the least. It gets even better when it comes from people who know us personally. So, I think it was last night or night before that he expressed his need to sleep with his ex and state that she isn’t as pretty as you but at least I know she will treat me better…ugh. She dumped him because he took pliers to her womanly parts…upper, had I know this beforehand I would have never.
I've been there too. Engaged to him infact. I thought everything was going great, though I was having to learn to relate better because there were times I wasn't being heard. Then one lunch he started acting funny. Said it was over. Moved out before I got off work..... I had no clue what had happened and I scampered trying to find out what went wrong (he put all the blame on me) and then trying to change to be what he wanted. And then the contempt phase started so everytime I felt like I was finally getting back in (and forgiven for whatever the hell I had done) he'd roll out another attack. That went on for two years before he got bored with toying with me.
Life on the other side did get better. I reconnected with someone I pushed away when narc reeled me back in. I kept the new guy as far away from my heart as possible, but he convinced me to marry him. We're both still dealing with the other fallout though, and been told it'll probably be a while yet before I can process all that happened.
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Point being it DID get better and I did get the person I dreamed of - and this one isn’t just pretending.
He's starting already and it's only 8:30 pm. Going to the beer store jeeze. I hope to get away tonight. He has been home, maybe an hour and a half. Telling me his plans for the apartment once I am gone....ugh. Trying to bite my tongue here. Hope he doesn't come back. He is drinking and driving yet again. Is it bad to say I hope he gets pulled over? If he did I would be to blame even though I am here typing, gaw.
@rumad - Please tell us your latest plans for moving out. You’ve shared some thoughts recently, but plans can change. Are you still planning to get out, maybe this weekend?
Okay, rumad, you've told us that before, and we do get it, but lord, we just want to be able to see you GET OUT OF THERE! Are you absolutely without any nearby relatives or friends that could put you up temporarily. That you should have to endure this torture another 24 hours defies belief.
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@KurtMichaels It’s insanity to say the least. The true definition. I am absolutely without anyone.
Sad thing is son can't stand him yet doesn't want to leave his home.
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@rumad - How about making a visit to your local women’s shelter, and explaining your special needs? I know that our local shelter in my city has flexibility to keep families together, and to put them up temporarily in hotel rooms, if nothing else, including everybody, pets included. You are what’s called a “challenge”, but your situation is far from unique, and instead of shouldering your burden on YOUR shoulders you should meet with women’s shelter reps face to face and challenge them to provide you with a temporary housing option that would be accceptable to you.