I am scared

I am hoping that this on line support group network will help me. I have borderline personality disorder and some of the co-occurring disorders include sex addiction and OCD. While attending Sex Addicts Anonymous, I began to evaluate my past history and I am very ahamed of my behaivors. I am now sufferring from severe OCD where I think I may hurt someone, although I really know I will not. The fear is overwhelming and paralyzing. It is not the first time I had this fear. How do others cope? Am I just a freak?

Your not a freak at all! Borderline personality disorder is made up of hundreds of different factors as evry individual has a mixture of different traits.
I have severe depression, BPD, anxiety, OCD, panick attacks, traits from bipolar, addictive nature and result to drink & drugs.
I to spent from 14yrs to 28yrs old sleeping with many men as I thought they would love me and they didnt and I got hurt every time, I also couldn't say no and got myself into bad predicaments, I was also raped by my ex and really hurt me, I was also made to feel abnormal when I was about 21yrs and never allowed anyone to give me an orgasm until my husband and I got together. I was bad and I slept with far too many men all for the wrong reason and then felt dirty after.
I also have never been in a fight or hurt anyone before and in the last year I get into a state and just want to go out and really hurt someone (where does that come from) its awful! Im obviously very against violence after living in a violent relationship. But hes made me very hard faced and if I go out Im very rar rar and dont give a **** what people say or the consequences as I couldnt be scared of anything after my 6ft2 bullyboy partner weighing 18 stone double me at the time! We are all here for you. Please keep posting xxx