I am so lost right now... like so many. I have been physical

I am so lost right now... like so many. I have been physically abused in 2 marriages... got out and survived as a single parent. Somehow after being single for 10 years and trying to find me... I end up in another relationship with a man who withholds affection, everything is my fault, I’m not good enough, and I’m only wanted when I’m needed. Yet I do everything in the world for him... I care for him, abide by his rules, take the hatred... and like an idiot, moved me and my son into his house 2 months ago. In that time, he has threatened to throw me out 4 times because I spoke when he asked for silence, I asked for intimacy, and because I bought him a cake for his birthday when he said he “didn’t want to do anything “. It was a cake! Now I’m stuck, scared, and wondering how do I fix this?! One minute he loves me, the next he can’t stand me or trust me because I raised my voice 3 times in a year. Not because I lied, not because I cheated, but because I questioned his behavior and stood up for myself. I need help. I’m in therapy. I’m ready the books. But I still feel lost.

welcome to the site. glad you are in therapy. I am working on my codependency issues with my counselor so i don't have great advise. It is struggle for many i know. The good news, i have a friends, she was finally able to move out and put the past behind her. it just took a long time.

It’s just so hard to break the cycle. But glad to hear that there is hope and your friend did

Are your bank accounts still separate? Do you have income to save for a new place? Get out as soon as you can. Your son doesn't need to learn these nasty traits of his.

Thankfully yes everything is separate. But with this pandemic... things are impossible. I feel stuck even more.

@ziprn baby steps, it all starts that way, you can start making progress, Don’t expect it to just happen, it takes time, learning a lot about yourself, working to change your habits, and in some cases, you have to make some choices that some will not understand and question you on them. You can do it, just have to work on it all.

Thank you. I am trying. That’s a step.. I know. Learning the boundaries is the hardest thing and figuring out what I even like to do is even harder!

@ziprn yes it is a step. keep on learning. moving forward. you can do it.