I am so sad. Today is my boyfriends birthday. He expects me to join him and his friends for dinner. I can't even go 10 minutes to the grocery store, let alone drive on the freeway to a restaurant. I don't think I can do it. I feel like a horrible girlfriend and person. I want to go but I am so terrified. The last times I attended events like this were in March and April and I was such a mess inside. I'm so scared of panicking and not getting it under control. I just want to stay home. He says I'm "unloving" for not being able to hang out outside of my home. Furthermore, he continues to tell me I create my reality but with panic disorder and agoraphobia, I have lost that confidence. I have lost control of my feelings and thoughts.
Oops somehow I reply went in the wrong place....check my post about the how are you feeling in one word I just made above argh!