I am soooo scared

Physical Health Cancer
1

hello. this is the first time posting in this group. I have always read ur posts and felt for you all and prayed for you. You are all such wonderful people,, amazing and super strong. my mom died of lymphoma in 2005 so i can understand about this disease.

i am going through a ton of health problems to the point it is shocking me . i feel i need a mental instiitution i am going through so much pain. i have fibromyalgia, crepitis, intersitial cystitis, muscle problems in bladder( urinary retention) IBS , migraines. i am crippled and cant walk much and so dizzy and so much pain. it is crazy. i am totally disabled and terrified my life has gotten so awful. pain has become my norm, i have no idea of what a pain free day is like.

the problem is , i found swollen lymph nodes under my armpits. i got scared and went to the doctor. i have also been getting nght sweats for the last 2 months. they are painful nodes and not hard. he thought it was a infection under arm and gave me antibiotics. i took them but they did not work and friday saturday andsunday i have been getting chills, fever, massive sweating, tummy aches, sore throat. my fiancee did have avirus a few days ago. but see, i got the swllem lymph nodes before that. i swear it was going down on the antiobitics but i messed up the dose. i was fine the day i took the last dose, i felt better. then my fiancee got sick, very very sick. then i got sick, like same as his. but we still have to check the lymph nodes

i showed my doctor and he is very upset and worried. i told him about the night sweats. he checked the lymph nodes and said i need to have them biopsied. great. could anything else happen to me????????????????? anything? no one has been more tortured than me , i swear, this is like, crazy. so now i need to schedule surgery look at the node. they are soooooooooo painful. i hear pain is a good sign that it is not cancer. it is not hard. but tender to touch.

so i am just freaking out. just sooooooooooooo upset. if someone could help ease my worreid, id sooooooooo appreciate it. thanks so much.

i cant have fibro, crepitits, iBS , intersittital cystiits, bladder problems and now possible, ummmmmmmmm cancer????????????

ughhhhhhh more worry and stress.

love and hugz to you all,

maureen

2

i wish someone would help, om g i was sweatign last nght and swolllen nodes got worse.

omg im soooooooooooo sick and so scared. my teeth do hurt though

3

As scary as it is, I think you should go and get checked out as soon as possible and get the biopsy. Even with a biopsy it could still NOT be cancer. There's just know way of knowing until you get the tests done. Believe me, it's better to know what's going on and what you're dealing with.

4

thanks, i will as asap. i just hope to god they wont put me of in the biopsy like most docs take so long, i am sweting too much and too sick to wait now.

i think it is interesting my mouth is totoally swollen and my teeth are killling me. my fiance had his nodes swollen with impacted teeth.

which is not saying i will not check this out . i am asap.

ill call the surgeon asap. omg this is crazy. just crazy.

thanks hon'

love ya
maureen

5

Hi , I sympathize with what you are going through and know you feel like a train wreck, I'm there myself ... I hope that you start to feel better, but do get those lymphnodes checked, I myself was diagnosed in March 2010 with stage 4 liver cancer and Hep C, they gave me a year to live.. I looked at that Doctor and told him I have got to much to do and dying isn't one of them, I go thru my pains and aches, and know how you are feeling, I have built a wall around that pain, so I can ignore it somewhat, I hope and will pray that your pain eases and your biopsy is negative, my heart and strength I send to you ..
Frederick

6

thanks a lot. i got an appoitntment for next week , whew glad that is kinda quick. my urologist toook 2 mONTHS to see him so i was worried they wouldnt get me if fast. i guess with this they dont wait.

but still i think that other doc took too long. and then i need a cystophy in august to check my bladder, im going to have the worst 2 more months, as if there 2 werent hideous already. gee i wish i could go back to being crippled and in massive pain and urinary retention. it is like my life is a bad nightmare.

i feel it will be negative ok i hope so. mom had cancer so i need to check. but god, i hope this is overwith fast. i just cant imagine fibro, crepitis, bladder problems and possible cancer? i just wouldnt make it thoguh , my body is too weak..... i dont have that fight to fight back.

ugh.

i hope it isnt cancer. i just couldnt handle that now.
i have to many diseases as is. that would do me in.

thanks so much. blessings to you

thanks very much

love
maureen

7

my fiancee is being abusive during this, oh wait he is abusive. i was hoping hed be nice during this time, and he is not. im waay to sick to leave, ughhhhh if i ever get healthy i have to think on leaving wishi could now but i need to get this checked first. until then i need to find others to give me compassion he does not. sad but true.

i wish i could leave him, but if i leave him ill lose my docs cuz i coldnt affird them, then i cold die. ughh. im stuck.

stuck and if i dont get better then im really stuck.

thanks all somuchu are all amazing

love
maureen

8

Christa I will pray for you to overcome and to be able to get out of a negative situation, I kind of went thru similar circumstances some years back, fortunately I didn't know about my illness until some years later, you have my support for what it is worth, if you like I love writing poetry .. I shall write a special one for you
Your new friend
Frederick

9

thanks so much.

ive never lost so many things in my life, myhealth, my abitlity to walk, being able to urinate normally, moving mylimbs, everything and now this. i want to be able to fight and now im so struck down i have none left. i thought the antibiotics were working and i was glad, i was going to try to walk again and be positive to maybe regain some health back. anything. and now im ina more dire situation that before, which i never thught possible.

i did look online and i did note that manyimpacted teeth can swell ur lymph nodes. and my mouth is all sore and in pain. gee ummmm i hope this is it plus i did have a virus.

i am happ ymy doctor is good and checking this out, i am actuallyglad in a way he is doing the right thing and not taking any chances. that is good of him. of course it is hell on me, i keep thinking what if, what if im crippled, have bladder problems and then have cancer??? id be comatose or dead and on one to really help me, i mean my fiacee is turnign on me. i guess he only liked me healthy. so yeah i guess our marraige wouldnt have worked as the whole ‘in sickness and death thing’ would hace passed him by.

of course im devestated from that, too, i mean i just lost everything , everything i loved. i swear if i wasnt needing so many doctors id put myself in a looney bin cuz i might just have a nervous break down.

and i need my sanity now to stay alive. if i do live.

ok so it is scheduled for next week, and i have one week of worrying and not knowing ,

and the night sweats are getting worse and im freaking out. just freaking.

too weak to do anything and my dreams have become tarnished.

thanks so much fred,

yes i adore poetry, it is mylife, my love, id adore it if u wrote one for me

blessings to you,

love
maureen

10

Maureen, I am glad you are getting it checked out. I know the exhaustion of a million docs and tests to find out whats wrong. I continue to keep you in my prayers.

Love you, Suzee

11

yes, im glad im getting it checked to be on the safe side, im jsut soooo worried and getting more ill by the day and i feel so helpless.

my doc is great though and ha , like u said, ha, he was sooooooooooooooooooooo nice to me. i swear he looked like he was gonna cry cuz i am goign through so much, and that kinda worried me, like i hope he doesnt think it is , cancer.

but he is the best. i didnt have to worry.

now, i only worry if i live.

love ya my freind

maureen

12

Maureen, I see and feel your strength, even when you think you are falling apart! I wonder if you know that about yourself? You are one tough cookie, my friend. Do you know that I'm pretty new here and I don't know your whole story but I can "feel" your expertise in a lifetime of battles and your are so young still. Do you realize that your strength is amazing? Sometimes "amazing" happens and we don't even know it because we are busy yelling BS and F U and I give up!!!!! It takes strength to keep that kind of "fight" in our beat up bodies and minds. Our internal dialogues would scare the heck out of hitler, but that's because we need to be that strong. Does that make any sense? I hope it's coming out of my exhausted brain in the manner I mean it.

I can see that you've been a huge support here to many people who love you. I know that sometimes people can get a little gunshy when we hurt so badly and our every movement is a calculated measurement of "least amount of pain possible". You aren't a quitter, even when you feel like it. Those "quitting times" are moreso F it breaks in the battle, that's all.

Please know though, that you are absolutely not alone, quite the contrary. There are many people who come here wondering how you are doing and praying that the doctors have come through for you. I am so releived that you are comfortable with your doctor and that he's going to make sure you get the solutions you need!!!

Please keep us updated on how you are doing and be sure to lean on us now!! You've been there for so many people and now it's time to let us hold you up!!!

I'm sending healing hugs, Suzee

13

thanks suzee,

love ya, ur such a doll,

i really do. yeah im a tough cookie, ive been raped by my dad, tortured and verbally abused by my mom, she held me capitve in my room till i was 27 , she died at 29, i was homeless, i was dying at one point, had to be hospitalized for a year, was near death in 2004 ( no i really almost died) , i came BACK to life, and here i am near death again, so wtf.

yeah im one tough cookie. ive had all my friends betray me , use me and backstab me leaving me to fear others. now my fiancee is backstabbing me. and abusing me.

yeah i am tough but im sick of fighting,

ive had an awful life, i want something to cling on to, something good,

something to whereas im not in pain all the time and ngihtsweats and chills.

i love u suze ur such a doll,

im glad my doc is a doll too, i love him to death. i do.

he is soo sad for me.

like i said he is doing thr right thing.

my teeth are killing, me killing me, mouth is pounding and swollen, pain into my neck,

im so hoping this is it, or a virus.

but ill get it checked out of course to be sure.

i want a life, something to cling to. i dont have anything or anyone to cling to but u guys.

thanks all of u.

love ya
maureen

14

Hi hope all is starting to get better for you, but as you see you have many who wish to give you the moral support you need, I hope if you need to let out your frustrations or whatever may be bothering you , there are supporters here
God Bless You
Frederick

15

thanks so much fredrick,

many blessings to you.....

love
maureen

16

ok so i made an appt with a dentist tomorrow my jaw is killing me, teeth are killing me, so i am going to morrow.

i can only hope this helps my lymph swelling, umm but dont worry im still going for the biopsy anyway next week. im super scared, but i have to brave through. but yeah, ummmm im soo scared.

so much so i am in shock.

love you all

maureen

17

omg my teeth hurt so much n are inflamed i see dentist today but i hope she doest chedule something when i hae th bipopsy.. ugh

love
maureen

18

hi everyone. well today i got my teeth checked cuz i was hoping anabscess was casuing my tooth pain but no teeth are ok excpet a gum infection. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i happy for that but ok what the hell is causing the swollen lymph nodes???????? and night sweats and chills, omg im soooooooooooooooooooooooo scared. and my nodes are slightly bigger today, oh geez im frightened.

im soooooooooooooooooooooooo scared. i go in for the consult next week n then biopsy and im so scared. please, if anyone can offer words of encouragement id appreciate it.

love
maureen

19

The not knowing was the worst part for me when we were waiting for my husband's diagnosis. IF you do have the Hodge, just know that these doctors are very experienced and have a plan that will fit you perfectly. Once I realized there was a plan in place, I was finally able to breathe a little bit. I'm sorry you're so scared. Just try to take it day by day until your appointment arrives. I know it's hard not to worry and be scared, but worrying isn't going to change the outcome of the tests. I have to tell myself that all of the time. It's the only way I keep my sanity. Hang in there.

20

thanks so much,

i feel in my heart it is ok . that is what i sense in my gut. i had a similair situation in 2007, had a big lump in my breast, and when the docs checked it out i was ok, begnin. i was sooo worried before yet something told me it was nothing. i felt it. when the doc examined me she said, wow, there is a mass here, and i was like oh wow, thanks. i checked it was ok. still i need a mamaogram fast to check anything out. ill do that next.
my fiancee had a very similair situation: he had swollen nodes under arm pit for no reason. they did biopsy and he was totally fine. begin. just his lymph nodes went bad. i guess they can do that for whatever reason. im hoping it is the same case for me.

it is so ooo weird it was going down with the antibitics. i mean wierd, it was going away. then came back, after my fiance got sooo sick. but it had gone , i felt better, gee im hoping this is just a viral thing. or i do have an auto immune disease and that can swell ur nodes.

BUT i will check it out of course, it is just i feel like my life is suspended now, so many things i want to do , to not only get better from the nodes swelling but i want to heal from being cripled and my bladder problmes so it is one thing after another. it is shocking tragedy. just shocking.

im trying so hard , but it is sooo hard.

i jsut cant imagine god would give me cancer on top of all my other diseases, that would prove he doesnt love me.

i cant wait to get this overwith.

love ya and thanks

maureen