I am sorry I have not been here in support in long awhile. A

I am sorry I have not been here in support in long awhile. A lot has been going on. I really hope everyone is doing well.

The urges are really high for me tonight. I am not sure what to do. I feel like I cannot control myself. I had been doing pretty well for a few days, but tonight, I am not sure I can hold back. Ugh… I wish I had better self control.

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Sorry the urges are high for you. Have the things you used in the past not working as well for you?

@Griz75 They didn’t work well last night. Idk… I need to try harder :frowning:

I know I’m writing to something from July. Your comment, “I need to try harder.” I think that’s something we say when we feel guilty and beat ourselves down. Just brace yourself to try again. And if/when you fail try again. If you try “harder” and fail the crush is more devastating. I know. I’ve tried everything already.

@Weigheddown Thank you for writing and providing me support. I really appreciate it. Navigating everything definitely has been difficult, but things have been a bit better lately. I still have my moments when I give into my urges, but they haven’t been as often as before. I’m sorry you have been struggling as well. I hope the best for you and your healing as well.

Yesterday was a bad struggle and I lost. But I know my trigger is stress and I have no answers then. When I know I’m stressed I kinda know I’ll lose.

@Weigheddown I’m sorry you were struggling and gave in. We all have those moments. We’ve just got to pick ourselves back up and keep working on it. Stress is trigger for me too. My therapist has me track when I am triggered and try to think of alternatives to giving into my urges. Sometimes it works, other times I have given in anyway. However, I find that awareness is really important, because then, maybe I can choose to do something different. It’s easier said than done though. I’m sending you my support (virtually). I know it’s hard, but we can do this!

@CreativeSoul I really appreciate your support. Right now I’ve been feeling “weighed down” because I know my behaviors began very long ago. When I was about 6 years old. It was my own quiet space in my little stressful world. And what suck is, that almost 40 years later and I can’t seem to shake it. I’ve been better at times, for example when I went to a therapist. Then things for better. But more or less, has always been a struggle. Whether the watching or the behaviors. Although I’m married I still have my little pleasurable side habits. Not sure if I’m divulging too much here.

@Weigheddown Oh you are welcome for the support! I completely understand about having started young. For me it was in my early teens. I was sexually abused by an older man around that time, and he introduced me to a what now has become an addiction. It has been hard to get rid of for me also. I’m not married, but it has played a difficult part in my previous relationships. As you mentioned, therapy has been very helpful though. I still struggle, but things are much better than they used to be. Keep hanging in there and reaching out here for support!

I believe my young experience of sexual abuse also broke a certain value and brought on confusion eventually leading to seeking out pleasure. I am married but still struggling at times. Like today.

@Weigheddown I am sorry you experienced abuse as well. It is frustrating dealing with the effects, like this one. I am also sorry you have been struggling today. Hopefully, you can do things to distract yourself. Sending you support!

@CreativeSoul for sure it’s been difficult and of course harder at times in fact really hard at times. Now it’s been more that if I’m proactive I feel better and fail less. But when I do struggle with the addiction I do feel really low. (Like last night). Thank you for your support.

@Weigheddown You are welcome! I appreciate your support as well. I do not reach out here as much as I could. When I do, it is really nice to be able to check in with others who go through the same struggles and gain/give support. I hope tonight is better for you. I will probably be around this evening myself and hope to resist.

@CreativeSoul, you’re a growing individual. No doubt.

Sexual abuse is definitely a factor. It prematurely starts a clock ticking for us to develop our sexuality and creates a tendency to sexualize relationships whether they are appropriate or not.

Kind of like a pandora's box.

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@jamiemaddrox2020 What you said here makes so much sense. I think that’s what happened to me. I hate it, but I guess the importance is awareness and healing through the trauma. Thank you for your insight. I’m sending you my support!

SO true Jamie

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@Azazel35 I agree