I am the cheating party. It has been over a month since Dday

I am the cheating party. It has been over a month since Dday and I’m really trying to make this work. Any advice on how to help the betrayed (my husband)partner feel safe again.

2 Hearts

You need to be extra observant.. anytime you notice your partner quiet for too long and you think something’s wrong they’re 100% always thinking about what you did or the what if or ect. We willing to talk about it a billion times if you have to nothing hurts more than trying to talk about something and getting shut down . You also need to show how sorry you are come back begging on your knees . Do something special so they know they’re important . Think about extreme things and so that

1 Heart

The number 1 non-negotiable is telling the whole truth. Don't tell yourself that he won't find out or that it will just hurt him more to know more. Tell him the entire truth. My wife confessed her affair to me by choice but almost a year later I discovered on my own that her "1 time" was actually more than a year of several times a week. In an instant, I went from starting to feel like reconciliation was near to a new lowest point. That was over 9 months ago and I still don't know if I will ever be able to trust her. Our 24 year marriage might be over regardless of how much effort we both put into it now.

From Romantic Relationships to Cheating & Infidelity

But what if you do all of that & your partner still doesn’t want to try to trust you a little bit than before. Me & my partner did something to each other, me a little more, I forgave him for what happened even though, yes, it will still be on my mind or randomly pop up but I try to forget. I still love him but idk if it’s the same for him even when I’m really trying like really trying I don’t want to hurt him & I want us to go back to when we are happy & have nothing to worry about but I’m scared that he might not want anything to do with me :pensive:

Thinking that forgiving him for his part in things and then avoiding the feelings you have doesn’t address the reality. It sounds like in this case you both did some things not suitable for people in relationships, and you really haven’t sorted it out.

The only way to really move forward is if you both own your part in what took place and find a way to speak to each other about it honestly. The what, why, how, when, details of the incidents. Leaving gaps causes mistrust, but the entire truth fills those gaps.

“Trying to forget” doesn’t fix that you are still hurt, and he probably feels the same. Unless you can both honestly talk and show true remorse for hurting the other, it will likely not fix itself. It’s hard work to fix a relationship after infidelity, but if you really want it then it’s worth it. Even if the other person has trouble moving forward, you can at least clear your own conscience about the matter and own your mistakes. Being honest with yourself is one of the big steps in my opinion.