I am working on letting my worry and guilt go and not obsessing about my situation. Even though the changes we are making as a household have already started paying off, there are still rough patches where it takes tons of restraint and effort to keep things moving in a positive direction. I am experiencing bitterness and resentment about letting my parents impose their dependence on my husband and me. These feelings make me a challenging person to be around right now. I am annoyed that they share our home space. I am constantly deflecting and redirecting their dysfunctional behaviors, which is working but it is also exhausting. I refuse to be maneuvered in any such way that caters to dad's dependent narcissistic behavior, or my step mom's enabling behavior--- frankly I feel like I am training little lost puppy dogs, they look to me for direction and I am putting this back into their lap. I imagine exit strategies just incase things revert back to an uncomfortable place. My husband eventually got fed up with me yesterday, my constantly needing to talk myself up to build confidence, and constantly analyzing this situation. This resulted in him expressing to me his need to stop talking about this all the time. It is true, I am fixated on this and having a hard time letting it go: when I go home, it is there. When I am away from home, I am concerned about it--- and this is my spouse's reality also. Eventually I exhaust my need to express my feelings and I do get over it, but my needs are not the only needs in my marriage. I need to stop letting my worry and grief spill over into what is otherwise a happy and healthy relationship. I can do this, just got to take it easy on myself (and everyone else around me), we are all going through growing pains.
Hi and welcome to the group, fellow caregiver angel. Thank you for your wonderful post. It is extremely truthful, honest and also speaks about your strength. It's not easy being a caregiver and especially when they live with you. You don't really get a day off and after work, your duties at home continues and all these can be very draining. Is your husband doing anything to help you out? What do you do for self-care? Your needs are not the only ones in your marriage. True, and I don't know what you have discussed about with your husband but perhaps draw out a plan or schedule? For example, when you need a break or time out, what would be some appropriate responses from him that makes it a more manageable situation. Your needs as well as his are equally important. Love and respect, A
It's so hard to set boundaries with people determined to ignore wherever you place them, homesickmachete. I saw in your more recent post that you're doing better with this, and I'm glad. I'm sure you're feeling great anxiety about what this is all doing to your husband and your relationship with him, which just makes it all the more difficult for you. You need his support, but he's right too in that it can't be taking up such a big part of your life. Keep those "exit strategies" as an option...in the end, your life matters.
I don't feel as anxious about my marriage, but I do have to remain vigilant to not overwhelm my spouse with obsessing over an already difficult situation. My husband and I exercise great care with our relationship. Since we overcame the cycles of abuse in our own lives, we don't take for granted how precious a healthy and successful relationship is. I am blessed beyond measure in this regard, and need to hold tight to it. Finding other means of emotional support outside of my husband has been immensely helpful to the both of us.