I binge and purge using excessive amounts of laxatives. I don't know why. I've been doing it for years. I haven't lost any weight through this method, but I have made myself anemic. When will I learn to stop this madnesss!? I tried cognitive behavioural therapy CBT, and it didn't help. It just made me more aware of what I was doing. I have now started another fast. I've made it 15 days once, and have done many 5 day fasts. I tell myself it is for spiritual benefits, and detoxification, but I think I am deluding myself. It's really for weight loss even though technically I don't need to lose. I find it difficult to understand that how after all these years I still have such poor body image.
Sounds like you know your inner motivations pretty well. E.D. seems to be laden ed with lies. My sense is that you should focus more on your comments that you've been deluding yourself with better health excuses for explaining fasts and laxatives in your life.