I feel the need to let people know that I had a slip this past weekend.
I have not binged or purged in 6 months or more. I have tended to restrict much more in the last little while. I was a heay binge/purger for years. Anyway, this past Friday I purged. I almost can't believe that I did it.
I ate my kids left over ice cream on Friday after dinner. I didn't think much about it as I was eating it then as soon as I was finished it came over me - What did I just do????? I headed straight for the washroom and purged. It was such a strong compulsion. I didn't care where my kids or husband were - I had to get rid of what I just consumed (The sad thing is it wasn't much).
My fear is how calming it was to do. Why is it that I cannot find anything to calm my anxieties as well as purging does?????? It is such a high at the same time.
I am trying to tell myself that this was just a slip and I can forget about it and move on. But that high is sooo appealing. I suppose my fear of the school year being over and me not having a set schedule for 2 months is stressing me more than I thought. I don't know.
I think I will be leaning on you, my support friends, more over the next couple of months now that I do not have school to distract me.
Thanks for being out there for me.
Hugs and love
Shana
shana: We all slip occassionally. But you were binge/purge free for 6 months (which is incredible) so you know you can get right back on track! We are here for you! Please keep writing and expressing your feelings and fears as you stay on track!
Love and prayers to you!
shana..I agree! Please don't forget all the progress you have made! None of us is perfect, and the best thing, as Molly said, is to get right back up and on track again!
Take care...Jan ♥
Shana,
Thanks for your post. I believe the act of being honest, telling someone about a slip and moving on is an act of self preservation. We stand to learn a lot from the texture of a what we may perceive as a screw up.
You already notice patterns, this time of year, the need for "something" to calm you as well as bulimia, etc.
I too had a slip at the beginning of summer after more than 8 months free from bulimia.
I saw the pattern and the triggers but did little to change my situation. Guess what I quite talking and got lost in ED again. At first it was soothing now it hurts. It's been almost a month. Yuck!
Today I'm out to my therapist, to this board, to my friends. No more zombie. You'll see my daily commitment right here.
For me that is what ramped me up for the 8 months of freedom, that and the ability to at least accept this body and hope to love it soon.
I don't give advice, but will share the experience. That calm of your slip will turn to the feeling of the serrated knife of bulimia. It does not work.
Much love and light to you. You deserve summer without ED.
Patsy