I chased him away- the new guy I have been dating

This is the letter I sent him

Dear Bob-
So I am standing on your porch, I hear you whispering behind me, what you think is funny and harmless ( which from you it was) "Are you talking back to me, don't you talk back to me woman" harmless play, but it settles in my mind, reminding me of him, how he used to say this to me and mean it, how it was meant to make me feel like less, to intimidate me. Then we get to Price Chopper, the swimming idea sounds great, since I am melting too, so I call my aunt she says no problem, come swimming., then I listen to your voicemail,"WTF Kim I have been calling you all morning?"makes me feel as if I have done something wrong ( even though you know the best way to reach me is on my Kindle). So i try to make you happy, tell you about going swimming,but no, now that's not only what you don't want, but I have made you feel uncomfortable, i was just trying to make you happy not make you uncomfortable, but apparently I couldn't, so I snapped. Now not only have I upset you, but you won't talk to me either. Let me guess, you don't have time for this. Okay, well I want you to know how much I have enjoyed our time together, you really are a great guy. This is why I was so afraid of your, I Love you's , your ideas of a future for us. Because you can take it away just like that,....

Hi Flutterbyze,
That is a heartfelt letter. Filled with regret and remorse. It is also filled with fear. The fear of not being loved. The fear of not being enough for someone and not being able to make that person happy.
No one person can "make" another person happy. All you can do is offer the opportunity to be happy with you. If they refuse that opportunity than it is okay to move on.
The fear of "I love you" ... I love you is a promise. A sacred promise. those words need to be said more and not less. and every time they are said. They need to be said with the same empathy and compassion and passion every time.
You seem like a great person and you need to find a man truly worthy of your love and loyalty.
If he is not the guy you will find the guy bottom line.

aye, my counselor says it is too soon for me to be in a relationship, that healing is what i should be working on and that someone who is so quick to say i love you and then take it away like that, because in his words, he wasn’t sure where my attitude came from (nor did he stick around to find out) which of course hurts, which of course i set myself up for. Thank you for your compassion and support

Hi Flutterbyze,
I think it took a lot of courage to write that letter and stand up to a bully. It seems that him getting mad is just another way to control you. You had to say something to him and tell him how you felt. If not, then it will just keep eating at you. And he needs to know you will not stand for that kind of behavior.
He also sounds like he has his own issues that he needs to work on. I'm sorry he sounds like he is being a real ****. And you don't deserve it. Stay strong and keep standing up for yourself.

I need to recognize and accept the red flags and move on. my counselor keeps telling me I am not ready for a relationship, that i need to focus on healing. It makes me sad because up until Sunday we were having a good time together, he made me laugh like I haven’t laughed in a long time. I wrote him the letter, as of yet I have gotten no response, so that really doesn’t go along with the I love you’s he keeps saying, does it? It makes me sad.

From Substance Abuse to Mental & Physical Abuse