I could use some insight. 4 years ago hubby went to Rehab. H

I could use some insight. 4 years ago hubby went to Rehab. He was back on sites within hours of leaving the facility. 6 months later, as my sister was dying in a hospital, instead of consoling me, he went on Tinder and created an account. That combination sent me into deep depression. He accelerated while I was depressed. I started getting help in August and I'm doing better. I recently found him on a swingers site that he's apparently been on since Feb 2022. I confronted him with the profile pic. Normally he lies, denies, blame-shifts. Not this time. This time he justified why he should be on it. I'm not sure how to respond to that. Please give me opinions.

Sorry he has treated you in this manner. It sounds like he is not willing to be a good spouse and you need to cut ties with him. Unless he is willing to work on himself. He will never be changed.

There is a HUGE separation between wanting to change and being forced to change.

Until he recognizes that he has a problem, and wants to see it go away, this will continue. I'm sorry to say that to you. I know it's terrible to hear.

At this point, it almost sounds like he doesn't believe that you will ever stand up for yourself, and figures he can continue to do as he pleases. Obviously, I don't know your whole situation, but I think you should tell him you are filing for divorce. See how he responds to that. If he doesn't care, then you have your answer. If he tells you he is going to change, etc... Then you need to see him working toward those changes, or you will continue with the divorce.

I'm sorry you are going thru this. You deserve better. We all do.

1 Heart

@jamiemaddrox2020 Good comment and advice I think.

He says he doesn't want to divorce. He has started going to meetings and church again without me asking. He has started a new counselor for his trauma and SA. Him justifying it just threw me off.

1 Heart

@Betrayedbyasexaddict He is trying… that at least says something for him. Stand by him, and if he back slides, don’t have a fit. Encourage him.

I'm glad to hear that he is taking the steps. Are you in counseling together? Do you go to some of these meetings with him?

I would be interested in hearing what his thoughts are as to why you should believe that this time will be different. And I don't mean that in an argumentative way. Honestly, if you keep doing the same things, you'll get the same result.

I'm trying to have a similar conversation with my wife regarding some of our issues. What are we going to do differently?

He just moved out of state for a new job. I'm not sure where his head space is right now. He has me in limbo and I'm getting frustrated being there.


Man that adds a whole new dimension. This has to be a very difficult situation. I would base my decisions more on what is good for you and what you want/need. If he’s going to be part of your life, it sounds like he should start fighting for it.