I didn't realize how severe my sex addiction was until I started screwing around with my baby daddy's friend. Seems like everytime I'm left craving him more knowing I can never truly have him. We've both been traumatized in relationships and in the beginning we were on the same page about just being fwb but unfortunately I think I really like him. Or maybe it's just the way he makes me feel and my fear of never finding someone else that makes me feel like that. I'm into rough kinky sh-- so if I don't end up with bruises it never happened. Every time I find a bruise I can re-live that moment in my head and somehow that helps me be a little more patient for the next time we get to hang out. I look forward to it because I can just imagine how he's going to torture and punish me and then for it to play out the way I imagined it, if not better than it did in my head is amazing. Needless to say he'll never disappoint. Unfortunately with summer rolling around he won't be around much and I'm going to go absolutely crazy. I have a backup but it gets awkward when his kid is there, I just feel weird about it. I recently made the mistake of sleeping with my ex and now he's thinks the "spark" (we never had) is rekindled. Now he's not understanding why he's been left on read since then. He still 5 years later doesn't understand that I have a sex addiction and BPD. I get hypersexual and then will sadly sleep with whoever is willing to do so. There was never any feelings with him. I made it clear that I was just coping with my mom's death and he just happened to ask me out the day before she passed away. We spent almost 2 miserable years together and now that he's realizing no one else wants him he thinks I'll take him back.
That is a hard combination you have. Have you looked for any local or online support groups?
@Griz75 tbh I’m not interested in changing it. I’m not with my baby daddy anymore so I don’t see a reason to stop.