It’s been a year and a half at college, and I still don’t have any friends. I thought I made a friend last year who would be there for me when I needed him, but now I realize he never valued our friendship as I did. I’ve always been there for him, but these past few months, I’ve been struggling with loneliness and social anxiety. I feel emotionally disturbed. I expected him to be there for me, and now I’m confused. Did I do something wrong by expecting too much from him? Why do I always end up being the one who puts too much effort into friendships? I trusted him, I shared everything with about my past, because I thought he is my friend someone I value the most at college. But now more than what I’m going though, this hurt me the most that someone I call my friend is not there for me, I don’t have friend, I don’t have anyone to talk to
Can you make me as your best friend
Perhaps he felt he was taking on too much. I find with becoming a friend to keep things rather trivial until THEY ask for deeper info about your life and past. Conversely, you can ask the individual about something rather personal and if they share, then reciprocate. It’s hard to thread that needle, I know from experience.
Best wishes,
Jay (or Jake, either is fine)
Hi, Welcome to a whole bunch of new friends! I am so happy you are here and I would like to share my experience with friendships. Regarding the friend you just shared about, because things have shifted does not necessarily mean he was never your friend, nor does it mean he won’t be your friend in the future. People’s lives ebb and flow. I have had great friends, then we grew apart due to life changes, (moving, changing jobs, marriage, kids, etc) then later in life reconnected right where we left off! I have also had very close friendships slowly dissolve, and then later realized that the lesson or gift that the relationship provided was acquired and that was why they were in my life. I have also had friendships end and I, like much you, didn’t know why and then later realized that life was removing something for my best interest.
All this being said, I have found it most helpful when I don’t have any expectations of people. I must first take care of myself, be a good friend to myself and then be a good friend to others. The ones that are supposed to stay will stay, the ones that have been put in my life to provide me with experiences, lessons, ideas, etc will leave when i have received what they brought to my life where really a blessing or a gift. The friendships that have ended without any rhyme or reason, I trust that later I will understand why. You know, the saying hindsight is 50/50?
So happy you are here!