I don’t know how to forgive.

My mom is probably the worst person I’ve ever met. I know how horrible that sounds but it’s true. She is evil. My whole childhood I grew up fearing that she would kill me and my brother. She is an alcoholic and has been my whole life. My dad sadly lost his battle with cancer and passed away when I was 8 years old. Ever since then I was raised by my alcoholic narcissistic mother. Even before my dad passed away my mom cheated on him while he was practically on his deathbed and left her kids for months on end. I feel like I developed severe abandonment issues because of her actions. She would drive me to school shit faced drunk and tell me that she would drive us off a bridge if me and my brother weren’t cooperating. In my teen years she would buy me alcohol and make me drink with her. She also would let random people she didn’t know rent out rooms in the house. She convinced me to drink fireball with one of the 30 year old men that was staying at my moms house. I was black out drunk and she left me in his room for the night and let him rape me. I blame her for what happened that night because she could have easily prevented it from happing. She should have taken me out of his room and not have left me passed out on his couch. i was only 13. She could also tell me that I was a mistake and that i shouldn’t have been born. She also told me multiple times that I should give up on my dreams because I’ll ever accomplish them. Not to mention when I was 12 I had to physically stop her from stabbing her stomach with a knife. I remember coming home from school everyday tariffed that I would find her lifeless body in the house. I grew up my whole life thinking that I was never enough. Like I was worthless. I don’t know how to move on and forgive her.

Wow, i’m so sorry you had to go through that. You are so strong. Remember things don’t last forever and everything happens for a reason. Try not to think of forgiving her, but forgiving yourself.You are enough, tell yourself every day that you went through what you went through for a reason and although it was tough you made it through. Have compassion for yourself, you came a long way. Accept what your mom did and allow yourself to feel those emotions. When you are ready you will forgive her and have peace for the life situation. You don’t have to have a relationship but at least you would be able to one day not look into the past but appreciate the present. You are loved​:heart::heart::heart:

I understand ur pain. My mom was Satan and all his demons. My mom was the same as ur mom except my mom didn’t drink. She was just Satans most faithful servant naturally. It was very hard to forgive my mom for killing who I could have been. When u forgive someone, it does not mean u let her off the hook. It means u say to urself, I don’t hate her and I don’t hold anything against her. Just say the words and the feelings of it will come later. Sometimes years later. My mom has been dead several years, I don’t even bother counting, and today I was thinking about being forced to live in her torture chamber my 1st 21 years. I don’t hate her anymore, but I do hate what she did to me. And I’m allowed to hate what she did to me. Just saying the words of Forgiving ur mom does nothing for her, but it frees u.