I don't even know where to begin or word this

I'm absolutely at a loss. I am in a relationship with someone who has endured unspeakable abuse. There is a very long backstory, but this is the main reason that I am here.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, however we have known each other since high school (we are both 25). I've struggled with borderline personality disorder and self-injury since 16 and have it more under control now, but not after a very long, painful, alienating journey. I am lucky to have an extremely supportive family, but very few friends. My boyfriend suffered very severe abuse from about age 8 through 16 (from his mother and step-father). He touched his half-sister when he was 12 years old and she was 7, and at age 16, this story came out and he was arrested. He was sent to prison for 4 years and is now a registered sex offender. He was almost killed in prison and has serious physical problems due to the beatings there as well as things that were done to him by his mother.

He is only just now coming to terms with what has happened to him, and I'm just about the first person in his life who's actually cared about him. He has told me a very great deal about what happened to him, but there is still a lot that I don't know, because he has a lot of blocked out memories and things that are still too difficult to deal with. He's come a very long way in the past year and a half, I mean really it's incredible to me that he's even still alive and functioning after what has been done to him. But every day is a struggle. We are in therapy together, thank God, but this has only been for the last few months.

The main reason I'm here is because aside from our therapist, I am the only person who knows about his past and it is a burden to me. I love this man more than I could ever explain, please don't misunderstand. But I have so much anger and sadness at what people have done to him and I have no one to talk to who gets it. I should also clarify that I am not the only one who knows about his crime, his employer and co-workers and my family and everyone that we know, knows about it and doesn't have an issue with it. It's the abuse and how it effects him EVERY DAY. Every night he cries and every day he hurts because of it. He hates himself and thinks he's worthless. I just am at a loss.

Whatever we do at our young age, the consequences are there. Everything takes time, this is not an easy process, but he needs to let the past go, because what is done is done, only looking toward the future will help him to heal the wounds. Ask him to say a prayer and trust Our Lord to guide him and help him through this journey, and God bless you for being there for him.

Thank you for your response. I often fear that people will not want to associate with me or us because of his crime, and I appreciate the non-judgment.

We have discussed religion. I grew up attending Methodist church every Sunday and found it overall a very positive experience, and something I've had my doubts about along the way. I do consider myself Christian. Unfortunately, his mother and step-father tried to force Christianity on him and often used it as a way to justify their treatment of him. He has not said that he doesn't believe in God or will never consider the church, but he is not at that point right now. He's come to church with me a few times and my church family welcomed him with open arms, which was a first for him and will help down the road.

We don't live where we grew up anymore, in fact we just moved into a house and haven't yet been to any services. I'm still worried that once people find out about his crime we won't be welcome. I know that's something we have to deal with wherever we go but it's still hard. I don't want to be responsible for him doing something that will take a lot of courage, and then have people reject him anyway.

God I'm sorry. It is so sad that people can just have all of the kids they want, treat them like crap and ruin their lives and somehow the children become the bad guys. I wish these things would not have happened to him, it is the kind of thing that saddens me daily, lost children being thrown into the penitentiary. I'm glad you love him though and I hope a good therapist is helping the two overcome your painful pasts. The legacy of abuse goes so deep, it ruins how you think and feel about ourself and it's so hard to change that. I wish you two the best, I really hope time will heal the wounds. No one deserved that! Selfish mothers are allowing men to ruin their children on a daily basis. I'm not saying that is the only abuse that occurs, but that is waht happened here. Please work hard to make yourselves happy. Take trips, write poetry, talk about it when you need to betweem yourselves and a therapist but don't relive it with everyone. There is so much more to life than that. I've gone through so much less and still feel the same hole in my heart that I try to fill daily, abuse is abuse. Someone might tell me I hurt for nothing. But, I do try and can see a way for you to be happy, so it helps me find a way to be happy.