I dont know anymore

Well.. I haven't been told by a professional that I have an eating disorder but I know I do. I don't need anyone to tell me! I have always been around 150 pounds all through high school..(17&18) Now I am 20 years old 5ft2 & I weight 210. I am not my self. I use to be so confident & never shy. I lie to my friends & family & tell them I never eat cause I'm not hungry but really I eat.. I eat a lot! They think I don't eat supper but what they don't know is that I don't eat in front of them because I am ashamed. I realize that I have started to wait til I am alone to eat. Not only do I eat alone but I eat more than one meal at a time. I think its more of a mind thing.. I'll go to get something off the menu or out of the fridge & I say to myself.. "chicken or beef?" Usually I end up getting both & eating it all! Another thing I have noticed is that I CAN NOT STOP.. If there is food on my plate I will eat it! I feel like a human garbage disposal. It grosses me out.. I think bout making my self puck but then I think that would be a waist of food. I get so disgusted with myself after I eat that I sit in the bathroom and cry. I'm to the point to were I don't know what to do. I know I have a problem! I just don't know how to stop.

First off, kudos for reaching out!
I know it can be hard to bare so much information, but simply putting words to your feelings is half the battle, so be proud :)
I completely understand how you feel. It upsets that a professional hasn't been able to identify your eating disorder, because therapy is so helpful. Please try your best to seek some sort of support for your ED. You absolutely deserve it. I have struggled with binge eating, and have been in therapy for a year now. There has been ups & downs, but it has been so incredibly worth it. I completely understand the feelings of having to hide, because you feel like if people saw how you really were, how you really ate, then they wouldn't accept you. But that is your eating disorder speaking, isolating you so that you can feel guilty and ashamed afterwards. It's not fair, it's defeating, it's hard work, but it's worth it. It's worth it, because you're worth it.
Something that has helped me during times of feeling like i can't stop eating is saying to myself:
"what am i really feeling?" (stressed, happy, bored, mad, awkward, ect.) and accepting the answer to that without judgement. because ultimately food is just your eating disorder's way of taking your mind off of your feelings. feelings that you have the strength to feel, no matter what.
Also, trying to connect with your body in a time like this has also helped. Taking a simple deep breath, getting out of your head for a moment and into the present. Knowing that in every new moment, you have a choice. Always.
Have you ever read the book "Life Without Ed?" it is one of my favorites and helped me in the beginning when i was first learning about my eating disorder

deep breaths,
Erin