Without going into every detail of my life I will say that this notion of being a lesbian has sat dormant in me for a long time. I never would admit a girl was attractive until I was an adult because I thought if I said anything people would know/think I was gay. A little over 2 years ago I finally moved out of my parents house when I was 26. Now, almost 29 and think I'm gay. This freaks me out, more than I can say because I don't know if I am or not. And if I am, I don't know if I can come out to my family and everyone who has, up to this point, known me as kind of a slut. I've been with a lot of men and always saw myself with a man. Now, over the past year or so, I find myself less and less wanting a man in my life at all. I find myself more and more attracted to women. It started when I met this one girl who I had this major crush on, then I had these sex dreams about her (I know that's not indicative but the crush came first). Then, as I've been questioning my sexual orientation for months and months, I went to a gay bar with a couple girl friends and this girl asked to kiss me, so I kissed her.
I do not know how to figure this out and all anyone keeps saying is that I will figure it out. But how?! How do I know this isn't a phase? In high school I had a typical girl make out session and to be honest it was pretty awesome. There are a lot of things in my life that point to me being gay and denying it all along. Including this one really **** lesbian friend of a friend who would always hug me and pick me up and I swore that if she ever came on to me I would go for it no questions asked.
So here I am, with no lesbian friends that I can really lean on (too young and also I don't know how to talk about this). I do not know how to figure this out. And I can't stop myself from feeling kind of disgusted, not because I don't like gay people, I love them, I vote for equality, I'm all for it 100%. But because in my family...their republican, this isn't their normal...I think they'll support me but...what if they don't? What if everyone thinks I'm just going through something and will get over it? I don't even know how to find girls to date or whatever, I'm not gunna go to bars and get drunk, if I refuse to meet men that way I refuse to meet women that way.
I'm rambling now. I just don't know how to sort this out and find out the truth within myself is. I want to date a girl and see what happens but what if I'm wrong?! I know I'm attracted to girls and I wanna see if this is what it seems but I guess Im just really scared.
first of all, relax..... Breathe........
Now tell yourself, u dont need to lable yourself.... Be your self... Look for the qualities u would want in a companion.... Be with a person but not their gender... If u see someone who is worthy of your love and time... Go grab them... If they want you back, can give it a shot. Simple.
You are free.... You r an adult... You dont have to answer this to anyone.... If you want to date woman... See the convienient way to get yourself out there, then casually date... Wait and see where it takes you..... If its just a curiousity.... It would go away.... But if it is the real deal... U do love being with a woman, then do your soulmate searching.... Try to find the girl for you..
Unless untill you are not sure... Please dont hurt anyone by just experimenting.... Make sure u get them the idea that its a casual thing and u r not sure... Etc... Dont get anyone's hopes high then hurt by backing out...
I guess due to society norms.... And standards set by society... U just cant find yourself in a place where u r right now... Thats why u feel disgusted.... Tell urseld its alright. But if your disgust is more then your own happiness then you would be feeling this way.... Just see where this takes you... How to meet? Where to meet? Whom to talk wouldnt be issue if you r serious about this.. Follow your heart and you would know..
Now about how???
Well according to my opinion, Dating a girl would be same as men, it will take same amount of effort to make a relationship work.... They can be a **** as well... They would also have issues... Its not going to be easy.. Its twice as hard to be with a woman then to be with a man.. Nevertheless, its worth it....
Only difference would be the emotional connection, Softness and tenderness..... So best of luck with that... You would be talking alot... There would be all the emotional stuff.... But trust me... Its worth it....
You’re good!! My therapist told me today, first time I told her about this, not to worry about labels. That gave me some clarity. And you are right, I don’t want to hurt anyone, that’s one thing I think about. I don’t want to get involved but I feel weird about saying I’m questioning. But you are right to be honest and say what’s going on. Thank you for your words, they helped a lot. I think “disgusted” was not the right word…it’s more that I feel like my family will be disgusted rather than me being disgusted. I’m not disgusted with my feelings or the idea of being with a women and I do know it is just as hard so I’m trying not to do my usual overthinking about how a relationship would be because that won’t get my anywhere and frankly makes no sense to try and figure that out right now. I don’t know how to meet because I have some anxiety issues with new situations. I wish it came to me easily but even with guys it doesn’t come easy. I think it would be the same to date a woman as it is a man, I’m just anxiety ridden all around lol. Thank you for your insight, I really appreciate it.
I know what you mean about your family. I lost my mom when i was 8 and my grandparents raised my sister and myself. i knew from a really young age i thought women were really pretty. growing up with people who are of a much older generation catholic, republican, had me go to church every Sunday and was drilled in my head being gay is wrong and against the bible.
i dated boys in high school because thats what i thought i had to do. i didnt like them. but it was what i had to do. it is difficult to find someone that you can talk to and to trust. you can pm me anytime. i can go into more of my life to ya.. kinda funny putting it all out there right now..
just hit me up. believe me when i say i know what you are going through. i did and look at me now. it made me into a stronger person and into who i am today.
Thank you so much. Talking about this is making me feel a lot better and I talked to my therapist about this for the first time today and she said some great things that really helped me stop overthinking everything (which I do OFTEN). I was always around gay people and for gay rights and my family actually never expressed their views about it all, in fact I still don’t know how my dad feels, he’s the one I’m most worried about. I know my mom voted for marriage equality. I’m just scared that when it’s in their own backyard they won’t feel the same way. In any case, I’m on this road and I will see where it takes me. Thank you for your response. I will definitley pm you if I need someone to talk you. Thank you.
Growing up I was attracted to both boys and girls. But my father was very anti-gay so I never even considered it. I married young and stayed married for 14 years. I had two children, bought a home, did the typical family thing. But over the years I relized that I was less and less attracted to men. I finally relized that I was gay, not bi. It took years to finally leave my husband and be honest. Years of depression and feeling like I would never have love and happiness...ever. but things did change for me. I met an amazing woman that opened up my world. She showed me that I could be loved. I can't say that it has always been easy. But now I know that being gay is ok. It is who I am and I am proud to be openly gay.
Thats what I keep coming back to. I keep thinking I won’t ever be loved and won’t find love with a guy. It’s hard to figure out if I will ever find out.