I don't know how to get back to the old me

My name is Danielle & I'm 17 years old, I'll be 18 in October. I've always thought that being skinny was prettier, even when I was a little girl. My mom was constantly(still is) worrying about her weight. When I was about 11 I started the Eat right for your Blood Type diet with her. I was 5'1 and 125 pds, no where near overweight. It worked and I lost like 5 pds & I got compliments from her and that made me feel good. But I was 11 and I was still growing so when I started getting a chest and butt, I freaked! We moved to Georgia when I 13, I was 5'3 and 135 pds. I started dieting like crazy and my weight went up and down over the next year. When I was 14 right before we moved back to Florida my weight was at 150 pds and I was still 5'3, I got so frustrated I started binging & purging to keep the weight off. I promised myself I would stop after my weight went down, but I couldn't. I needed it for whatever reason, I tried and it would never stick for more than a few days. It got so bad I throwing up to 7 times a day. My throat would bleed and I would have scars on my knuckles. After about 2 years I started cutting & got even more stressed when no said anything about the scars. Last year realized I wanted something different and I finally got some control over my eating disorder. The only thing is that I started binging and my weight is now 165 pds. I only throw up maybe once or twice a month if that. I feel a lot better now and not so controlled. I feel free :) I need help & support though, I want to lose this weight. But I don't want to get out of control again. Please help me and give me advice. :)

P.S. I haven't cut in almost a year and a half. <3

im sorry all of this happened to you, and welcome,

and hey we have the same birthday months, ha

ok --wow, i am sort of shocked your mom raised you thinking prettier is skinny. my my if i had a daughter i would teach her the opposite as one of the leading factors in EDs is if a parent is deiting or teaches her kids to deit lose weight. so i am kinda shocked at that, and could be the reason for your ED or partly...

i would like to say first hand is that skinny is defiently not prettier. there is nothing like the beauty of healthy and curves. the difference is astrounding. you do not have to be skinny to be pretty and it will proabaly take some time to get those thoughts out of your head that your mom kinda put there... but i would like ot say to get treatment or help...do you still B/P?

oh please do not even consider the weight loss at all, that isnt gonna help you and thin does not mean happy---at all.... but what you need is help, for why you have this ED...support groups, therapy, etc..

love
maureen

I'm trying not to purge, the last time I did was when I made cookies last week and didn't want to gain weight for a party that was coming up. I don't know want to spend money though going to therapy and I don't want my mom to know about me going to a group. I told her last year about it and after about a week of helping me and making sure I didn't go to the bathroom she thought I stopped and that was it so I didn't bring it up anymore. :/

hmmm well, therapsits, for example take sliding scales--and it can be quite affordable....i cant afford it, but we work something out. if they are good, they will do that for you...

i think you should tell your mom, but she is kinda into the thin thing though, but you should tell her none the less even if she thinks you stopped . tell her how it is hurting you....

you can get over this, it is so mcuh better on the other side...

love
maureen

Hey Daniel well AS for me I'm also suffering just like you and it is good to see that it is not only me going through this i was trying to cut off my habit ...as for me I'm 5'2 and 130 and I want to get this weight off ... I gained like 10 punds in the last couple of months ... so I i will be glad if you want someone to start with ...

Hey! Well, I think there are a lot of things that are similar between us. I started going to weight watchers with my mom when I was 12, she was obsessed with her own weight and didnt wanna lose alone, I thought it was fun, I was doing something with my mom and we bonded, but I ddint realize how weight conscience it made me. I am a really tall girl and for this reason I always wanted to control my weight since I cant control how tall I was and i didnt like either my height or weight, so why not change the one I could change. This was a stupid thing to think about when I was so young. I've had tough tough times from then all the way until now. I have never reached out for help until I joined this site, so I think that since you are on here that is a great step! I met someone through here that is great and we talk everyday! It's truly wonderful to talk to someone who really understands whats going on in your head without having to explain it. As for the cutting thing, I have definitely done cutting in my day, its still not over yet for me, but all I can say is that if you have a handle on it now, dont let that go. Don't start up again because we all know how hard it is to stop something so addicting like that. Eat veggies and fruit to the extreme, plus other foods for your protien and substance, but if you feel the need to binge, grab a bag of grapes and go crazy, you can have a sinless binge on things that dont make you feel sick after. My mom is a nutritionists, which means that therefore I am lol, so if you EVER have any questions, message me here. I'll be glad to help in any way that I can.

Ally

Danielle, I didn't read everything but have a tip. If you are in school, check into the possibility of the school offering free counseling. I received a lot of help from both my high school and college and it was all 100% anonymous and free. Good Luck and Hang in There.