I did some journaling tonight and had a major flashback, except this time it wasn't my brother, I can't deal with who it was, I have to cut so I can make the pain go away, I don't see my therapist till tuesday. the one friend that I can really talk to is not around and I just can't deal. I'm sorry for failing tonight but I have to sleep and I can't sleep with this in my mind.
*praying that i can push this down without cutting*
Hi Violeteyestwo, how are you doing and how are you feeling today? What triggered you to want to cut?
Hey, V I am so sorry I didn't see this post sooner and I am so sorry you were having a tough night last night but I am so sorry you feel this way, but I can totally understand and relate to the feeling of wanting to self injure. Try your best to stay strong, I think its really good that you posted and reached out on here that's what I do sometimes and it really helps me to stay strong. I know how hard it is to fight the urge though. Can I ask if you did self injure last night. Know I am here if you want to talk about what your flash back was or if you just need a distraction or whatever I am here!
Hello violeteyestwo,
I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I know sometimes it seems as if no one is listening and life isn't going to get any better...but it does. I recently lost my little brother he was 15. That was the hardest thing to deal with. I don't know why things happen the way they do but I do know you have to have faith that things will get better and there are always people out there that love and care for you and will help you see the positive. I hope all goes well in your life and that you can see the good in yourself. I'm sorry for your pain.
Thanks Everyone, Actually I have been able to push everything down again and I am ok. Unfortunately that means I can't talk to much about what caused the feelings but in short, someone that I had always thought might have abused me, I ended up having actual flashbacks of him abusing me. For me it's hard to go from he might have to he did. and I am still unsure cause it could be a false memory. I also did end up self injuring because I couldn't push the memory down enough to sleep. I had gotton the tv to distract me but when it became silent everything just flooded back in. I am hoping tonight will be better because I feel better tonight. But at least I didn't self injure as bad as i wanted, it is because my husband would have a fit but whatever works I guess. I wish I could figure out a way to hide it from him and still do it but I have not found a area big enough to do that. Oh well Thanks for all the support everyone and hopefully until I can see my Therapist I will be ok.
Hi Violeteyestwo, I am happy that the thought of your husband knowing precludes you to go any further and hopefully it will stop you from doing so all together. As well, thank you for updating us on the cause and I can see why it caused you stress. If you can work to re-direct your thoughts and control them, that will help a ton. It's takes practice, but if you nip it in the bud immediately and re-direct your thoughts back to positivity. When you're laying in the quiet, take yourself to a very happy place that makes you smile, and if your thoughts wander then stop them immediately and bring them back to your happy place. Please please please don't self injure anymore. I know that you will get through this.
Well we will see how tonight goes. It's nice when I am nice and busy it is easy to not think but when I am home and the house is quiet, it's hard. I try to keep sound going on around me at all times but like now, I feel like i have this permanent image tattooed into the back of my head. I am doing all I can to refocus and stay upbeat. I can't wait till Tuesday when I can sit down with my therapist and talk about it. If I can get past my fear of crying in front of people I think I might just get somewhere.
Thanks Everyone for the support, I am glad i came here and hope to be supportive in turn for everyone else. I have been down this road before I know how it works and i know it get's better. I just hate the ride.
How are you doing and feeling today? I know that you will make it past this, and have a phenomenal appointment with your therapist on Tuesday. Try to keep yourself busy and write us whenever you feel the urge.
Last night was good, i didn't self harm, So today I feel good. I think I might have these feelings repressed enough that I can deal with them at a later time.
Thanks again for the support
That's such great news, keep it up and you will make it through until Tuesday when you will have a very good appointment and get wonderful guidance. Please write us here anytime that you need to get any feelings out, we are here for you.