My wife always told me that I wasn't any good at relaying information. That I always get too detailed. She's probably right. I lost my wife a few weeks ago. She was my life. We were married for 16 years and had a beautiful, charismatic and intelligent boy who is now 13. He found my wife's body. He seems to be holding it together better than me. Kids. You raise your kids and they do everything in their power to leave at a certain point in their lives. My love for my wife, I will be forever. I find it hard to do anything. Even mundane things. like watching t.v. She is/was my heart. Everything I did, I did to impress her. I threatened my career several times for her. Last year, I found out she was cheating on me. One guy was long distance and a one time thing, the other guy is local. I confronted her. I was devastated to say the least. Sure our marriage wasn't perfect, but I thought our love was. She said it wasn't the physical, but the emotional connection she wanted. We didn't separate. I tried to work it out. For me trust is huge. She was the only one in this world that I trusted. period. And she shattered that. But I tried and I started trusting her again. She would tell me how much she loved me every day. Since she past away, I've found out that she had continued to text and possibly see this local person. I have never met this guy. The emotions of last year are back. I don't know what to do....I can't believe my pain and ....anger. I know everything there is to know about this person and I want to confront him. The bad part is...He knew she was married, and yet he continued to pursue her. I don't know what I expect from this. I don't really have friends to talk to about this. Nor would I want to. It's embarrassing. This feels like a nightmare. I just needed to say it. I'm leaving a lot out. The minute details and dynamics. It still wound up being longer than I'd hoped. Thanks
I feel foolish, hurt, angry, lost, despair. I don't know how to seem happy any more. I know I how to be in a good mood. I know that my mood sets it for the kid. But I don't know how to change the way I come off. I'm not normally one for over emotion. This is new to me. I thought we'd be together until we were great great grandparents. We had a vision of sitting in rocking chairs. That we would die at the same time. In all actuality, I was suppose to be the one who went first, due to the nature of my job. Not her. I don't know why this has happened. She was only 41. She just died in her sleep. Now I have all of these unanswered questions and what ifs. The autopsy was inconclusive. We have to wait on the blood work. I....I hate this feeling of loss and abandonment. My kids have never seen me cry before. And that's all I seem to do anymore. I miss my wife. I want her here. She was the love I had been searching for and was lucky enough to have found. I wasn't and she wasn't perfect. But together, there wasn't anything we couldn't do/face. I feel like, if it wasn't for my 13 yo kid, just curling up into a ball and dying. I don't feel that I belong here anymore. I don't want to leave the house that she wanted and decorated, but I need too. If nothing else, for the kid's sake. My oldest committed a felony the day my wife died and is facing prison. My youngest is getting into trouble at school. I'm lost with out her. she is/was the only one I want/need to help through this. She's not here. I feel alone.
Dear Icantbelievethis,
I came across your posts during my own moments of misery and mourning; and couldn't help but readily relate and surely sympathize: (1) I was a widowed for more than 7 years. (2) I've recently remarried to a man who cheats on me recklessly...
I would highly recommend you check out this book, "The Dogs of Babel" by Carolyn Parkhurst... Reading requires concentration, of course, which seems implausible, at the time being... I also remember how detached, distracted, disturbed I was when my late husband passed...
Sometimes, like Tennessee Williams' Blanche Dubois, the kindness of strangers is the only 'support' that we can count on when all else has become oblivious to the enormity of our damned and damage...
Warm regards,
I am so sorry for your loss. It will take time for you to heal. Don't be to hard on yourself and expect to much. Take one day at a time. The most important thing right now is for you to take care of yourself. Your children need you, esp the 13 year old. I know from experience what can happen when you don't handle grief the correct way. I lost my parents and completely shut down. My kids had to take care of me. I didn't eat much for four years. Now I am suffering with a hip fracture because of poor nutrition. Please believe that you will be ok. I will be praying for you and your family!
survivor5
icant
time is the only true healer of your wounds and wont be rushed what u can do in the meanwhile is mayb start to journal your thoughts and feelings and yes u are so right kids dont view death as we do they are self centered creatures who continue on as long as someone feeds them and does the necessary they will be hurting but process things differently gone for good has no meaning in life for them as teens but keep an eye out incase bad behavior should occur but mainly they cope pretty well
u need to grieve for all u have lost including those dreams of both of u sitting in the rocking chairs and dont dwell too much on why she did things she was with u and your wife so cry for what u thought u had not what has turned up now she is gone and unable to explain it all
stay away from him and concentrate on yourself at this time
be kind to yourself
love D