I am so scared right now. I fought bulimia when I was 14 years old and in my mind “I won.” I knew that it would be a constant battle forever but I felt that it was over. Now years later I am admitting that I am relapsing. I am back in the relentless cycle of eating until I feel guilty, disgusting and stupid and then making myself get rid of it. I am so ashamed right now. I want to hide it and pretend it’s not there. I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want anyone to know. I can’t tell my family and have only had the courage to tell one friend. I feel as I have no one to turn to who understands where I am.
I found this site and I am begging anyone to help me. I feel really stupid doing this but again I feel like I have nowhere else to turn. I can’t afford formal treatment and I feel that I need some sort of support to get through this.
I want so bad to get back to happy and away from the guilt and depression my battle with food and bulimia bring. I don’t know if I am strong enough to do it on my own. Please somebody help me?!?
hi jodi,
thanks for posting and welcome to the site.
i wish i could offer you a solution (AND use it for myself!).. i've been bulimic for 15 yrs.. i've tried everything... and nothing seems to really have worked.
might i ask how you were able to "recover" when you were 14? that might help in your recovery now.
i would just take it day by day and try to go just 1 day without b/p... i know it sounds lame but its better than nothing.
others on this site will be able to give u more feedback...
hang in there,
caroline
Thank you. I know there is no solution or magic wand that will make it better.
When I was 14 I had a lot of support from my grandma and my cousin (I lived with them at the time) and they held my hand and walked with me. They helped encourage me and for about a year helped me by holding me accountable for my actions. I was so determined to "beat" it and I felt like I did.
Now my grandma has passed and my cousin has 2 kids and a life of her own. I don’t feel as if I can ask her to try and be there for me again. I put them both through a lot the first time.
Thank you again it’s a wonderful feeling knowing that there is someone there who understands what I’m living with.