I don't seem to have any freedom

My mom is absolutely the definition of a hypocrite and narcissist, as well as a helicopter parent. I understand every parent wants to be there for their kid and whatnot, but when it’s literally stripping away my freedom to think for myself, it bothers me. I can’t even pick out my own clothes because “She knows what’s best”. I don’t remember the last time I got to pick an outfit for myself or manage my own things. She has searched through my room, bags, journals, and she has repeatedly ignored my opinions or voice to just push her own and get upset when I do the same to her. And if my opinion or decision goes against hers, I have “attitude” or I’m “Ungrateful”.

I know, maybe clothes are such a trivial thing to get upset about, but when you’re trying to grow up to be your own person, it becomes quite frustrating. She decides so many things for me to the point that no one comes to me to talk about things they want me to do, they go to her because she’s the one who calls the shots. But god forbid, I leave everything to her to do as she wants, and suddenly I’m an “adult who can do things for themselves”. She then continues to complain that I leave everything up to her, but when I try to do anything for myself, she inserts herself and takes over. How am I supposed to win ??

I’m almost 20, and seeing my friends be able to manage their own life without their parents makes me realize just how far behind I am.
One is only able to figure things out if they go through it themselves, but due to my mom being controlling, I don’t even know half of the things I’m supposed to know at this age. My ex even knew it, and that’s a big reason why we broke up. Because my mom is so involved and controlling in my life that my own ex saw how destructive it was, and didn’t wanna stick around for it.

It’s also very frustrating because she doesn’t want to do anything herself. She calls me to do things for her every 10 seconds, even though she is capable. It frustrates me so much, and I just want out.
She makes everything about her. It’s annoying being in this house. My family doesn’t feel like my family. They’re just people I’m unfortunately related to.

1 Heart

The only way out of the control is moving out from underneath her roof. Its called independence. You will need to have a job, license and car while deciding if you need a roommate to share an apartment. Just thoughts.

3 Hearts

You might think that you’re far behind, but you’re not. However, I agree w/prettygurl, you do need your independence. It just takes some planning, but you’re still in time to break from that environment. You just have to start believing you’re worth it, because you are. That’s where the real work is, in our mind and having to re-wire it and re-program our brain after abuse.

Save your money so that you can look into getting your own place. Keep reading/researching about narc abuse/recovery because even if you get your own place, there is still work to do for oneself. I’m in my 50s and I’m still working through a lot.
You’re worth it. :heart:

1 Heart

I actually got a couple jobs, and I’m gonna work my butt off. However she’s already anticipating that I’m gonna “take care of her”. I just know she is excited to manage my money lol (crying on the inside). I’ll bare with it for now, But I’ll save some money overtime to have funds for myself. Thank you for the encouragement !

1 Heart

You’re welcome. Best of luck. :people_hugging: Always remember, you’re worth it.

1 Heart

Time to move out love.

Unfortunately, your Mother see’s it as “Her house, her Law”. I agree with the other users that if you want your Independence from her then I would begin planning and taking the steps to move out.

As far as your mother controlling your money, You’re 19 soon to be 20 years old which means in the eyes of the law you are an adult. You can open up a bank account and she cannot have access to it no matter what, thats just law. (DON’T ADD HER AS AN ACCOUNT MEMBER), Make sure your all of your income is being direct deposited and she cannot have access to know how much you’re getting.

I hope this helps and wish you well love.

This sounds a lot like my dad. He’s very overprotective and controlling and basically judges everything I do or don’t do and thinks I can’t have opinions on what I want. I’ve just learned to live with it and accept that I can’t change him. If you really don’t wanna live like that, it’s probably best to move out.

1 Heart