I don't want me being sexually assaulted in the past to ruin

I don't want me being sexually assaulted in the past to ruin good/great things for me. It's easier said than done. I need to address this more. I just don't know if I want my mind to go there though and learn the whole truth (I remember some of what happened but not all). I already learned the truth about being abused otherwise and it totally devastated me (it was hard to take/accept too). I hope I'm getting stronger though- I'm a tough one (a fighter).
I don't know if learning the truth will help me move on or not. It's locked in my brain and I can't get it out. I DO want to move foreward more than anything though.
*A possible repressed memory brought all these thoughts up.* Also, I'm trying to accomplish something that will be good for me and I don't want any of this to mess it up-it triggers all this too,
NONE OF IT IS MY FAULT- I need to really remember that.

2 Hearts

It's okay, to have hard days, it's part of the processing what happened, there's a grieving. You are not responsible for anyone else's words, or actions. People are adults with the ability to choose what they do and say. So this experience is an opportunity, to develop strong emotional boundaries between yourself and people who have hurt you. People lack empathy or emotional intelligence, that's why they do stuff like that, whether this, or saying hurtful things---- people are unfortunately not all as emotionally self aware or reflective as you are. So you have to advocate for yourself now, stand up for yourself, have your own back. Just like you said in your first sentence! You don't have to let this affect good and great things coming for you. It's something that happened, and it may change your perception of being able to trust people again, but it could really be a beautiful opportunity to learn to slow down even more, to develop bonds carefully and lovingly with people who are emotionally empathic, and will go at your pace. And sexuality is something that no one can take from you. You have your own body first. I think writing down a story of intimate experience for yourself, might be a good way to begin exploring what YOU want sexual intimacy to feel like. What YOU need it to be, and begin reclaiming that narrative and reframing it. And the more you imagine it, and perhaps allow yourself to visualize it for yourself, you will begin enjoying your sexuality and learn to expect soft, caring, and safe actions from people you would like to share intimate experiences with with confidence.

@Blueberries1234 Thanks for this comment/advice. Maybe it’s something I should keep in mind.