I expect no replies, I just need to rant (Although I am happ

I expect no replies, I just need to rant (Although I am happy to commiserate). I started high school this year. It's h*ll. I can't focus, I'm constantly playing catch-up. I feel like I'm inside a burning building, and everyone just kind of expects me to magically grow fire-resistant clothes and oxygen tanks. I feel like something's wrong with me, that I can't keep up because I'm not trying hard enough, but I just can't get the energy to put in any more effort than I already do. I make jokes or excuses to explain to my friends ("sorry, I only get a little bit of functioning brain a week" "I stayed up late to do homework" "didn't get enough sleep, sorry") but I feel like I'm just playing it down to fit in. I definitely function differently than other people (I kinda suspect autism/asperger's, but that's another story...), and it feels like school just kinda doesn't mesh with me. I use a lot of energy to act like regular kids and remember all the rules of acting normal (don't clap your hands over your ears during a fire drill, smile and wave when someone says hi, look at the person who's talking, don't stare at people's computer screens, don't read in class even though your book is right there, etc). I'm just exhausted. Something's gotta give, and it might be me if I can't figure out how to talk to someone and tell the truth.
Sorry for wasting your browser space.

That sounds exhausting. It also sounds like you have an amazing understanding of yourself and a good sense of humor! You might feel as if you're not managing but I'm guessing many around you are doing far worse and with fewer challenges. Please reach out- in real life if possible!

@Emma490 how are you doing? Have things gotten any better, worst, same? Have you tried talking to your school counselor about some of the concerns you have shared online? You do seem like an amazing person but you don't have to conform to the world's sense of normal. You can create your own sense of normal as long as you aren't hurting yourself or others. You can keep talking to us. You can write in a journal. Use this time of high school to explore your interests, to try new interests, and to not overthink this time of your life too much (simply because it will be over before you know it). It can be a scary, exciting, but also fun time of your life. It just depends on your perspective. Talk to your parents and see if they can help you get more help. Keep us posted on how things are developing for you this year!

@momonthego I’m kinda a nervous wreck right now. My school did a depression screening event, and I only kinda lied (admitted to feeling tired all the time but lied about being suicidal), which I guess is a step in the right direction, but I learned after the fact that anyone who answered yes to anything has to talk to a school counselor. School counselors terrify me, and I’ve never had a good one before. So I’m simultaneously dreading having to talk to someone and kinda hoping it’ll come soon, because I know I’m not bold enough to take initiative and tell someone in real life, and I don’t wanna live like this for another year.
I’ll try to “create my own sense of normal” if I can. I like that advice.