I just feel so helpless right now. I feel as though I am can't focus on anything, I keep forgetting little things. all i feel like doing is crying. I want to get help so bad from this anorexia and can't afford the help i need. i am not myself at all. I would give anything to be able to go back inpatient, for the help i need. I was there 10 years ago. i NEED HELP. i am so sick and tired of this disease. i want to be normal.. happy like everyone else, eating like everyone else, not like this. i was laid off in january and still have not found employment, so that really prohibits me from seeking the treatment i need. my husband is the only income we have right now. i feel so helpless. i want to live a normal life, one free of this anorexia. it is so strong at times, so strong. i don't know what to do. i just want to be in the "recovery" process so bad. so very bad. I just wish i could do it by myself, without help. but, i can't seem to do it. the anorexic voice is so strong. i just want it to go away.. i want a life, i want to enjoy my life so bad..
i can hear the pain you are feeling and want you know that you are in the right place. i hope you are continuing to read and share 24/7 just get your thoughts out there. i hear that you cannot seek inpatient but can you see someone professionally? is your doctor helpful? how are you meeting any of your needs? there are so many questions but hopefully you know that you are worth succeeding in this journey and that the lies of ED (eating disorder) are so strong but you will get stronger day by day.
can you reach back into some of the lessons you learned from when you were inpatient? it may be possible to put that into place ot keep you going.
christig, i so feel for you. you are not the only one who cannot finish ED without help. tbh, i don't think there is anyone out ther who can. i mean, has there ever been a war won by one single person? NO.
i agree with browngirl, keep posting here as much as possible, ask for advice, help, support anything, someone is always here to reply. and yes, do speak to your doctor and ask for help. maybe there is any cheap or subsidised OP programmes (ask Jan about hers) out there? or what about groups? check the OA and EDA website to see if anything is near you or if they can give you further advice.
have you tried selfhelp books for the time being?
i know i'm pulling at strings here but keep trying, darling. do not let ED win and fully take over your life, you gotta fight back and i'm sure you can do it.
lots of love
maedi
Life is overwhelming for me too right now. Try to take it moment to moment, one meal at a time, One bite at a time. Know that posting here and every little step you take through out the day nomatter how small is something to feel good about because it's a step torward recovery. Give it your all because you can do this. You deserve this :) Take advantage of having this time off, and pamper yourself, try to do things that make you happy. It always helps me. :)
Treatment helps, but treatment or no treatment, your recovery depends on you and you can do this!! We are here for you!
Welcome to the group....
ED's are very trying and present themselves in high stress situations (bugger, like we dont already have enough to deal with while under stress!). You received IP care 10 years ago, any chance of you still having contacts through them?
Have you brought your relapse up with your primary doctor? I understand the financial situation, but to me, having your life back is priceless...
christi, i agree with marie. even if you cannot have therapy right now, and i know that is a big downer if you have the feeling that nothing will happen without it, still keep fighting.
even just posting here is trying. opening up and taking away secrecy from your ED, one of its most powerful tools. eating one bite more is trying. doing five minutes less of exercise is trying.
it may take longer but at least you show Ed that you're not just giving in.
maybe another tip: maureen suggested some subliminal cds, one of em "Positive Thinking (Subliminal Reprogramming) by Kelly Howell. she said it really helped her.
i had a selfhelp book during one of the times i didnt get therapy, and it did push me to focus more against ED, so maybe give it a go. there's tons of books on amazon, just go for the ones with 4 or 5 star reviews.
keep fighting, it can be done, i promise!!
love
maedi
There is alot of hurt in what you are saying. Like the end of any storm you have sunshine. It will be tough but you can pull through, there are many people here who will support you.Feel better and keep hope in your heart.