I feel lesser because my self harm is pinching and punching myself... I don't feel ok until there are bruises...I need to see the pain I feel inside...I like to push on the bruises...I'm trying to stop, I don't want my daughter to know...I don't want anyone to really know...so much shame. Only three people know...besides the internet I guess. I can handle physical pain, I love physical pain: hunger, over exercising, the hunger and punching are my favorite...that's a weird way to put it...I can hide everything...to everyone I'm perfect-ish...if they could only see below...the torment of self loathing...but I smile, and joke, and laugh, and pose for pretty pictures. Fake it til you make it. Someday I'll be better for her
Hi, Bruises! So sorry that you are feeling this pain and manifesting it with the self harm. Just wanted to say hi and let you know you are being heard. We all need outlets for our emotions, but you sound like you already know that self harm is not sustainable. Have you explored other ways you can express your suffering in a way that helps you "see the pain" that you feel inside? Art helps me a lot, the process of expressing myself in a visual way helps a lot, but then I can stand back and look at it and really take it all in. Then, when the process is done, I feel a lot better. Maybe punching a canvas with a brush will become your favorite way to express yourself instead one day. Sending you tons of healing thoughts <3