I feel like I am ready to blow. My stress level today is so high I just want to pull the covers over my head and forget the world. But I am at work, so that won't work. My husband and I are having a hard time with his 22yod. Single mother, ex doesn't work, she gets paid and buys what she needs and then cries because she doesn't have diapers, etc for the baby, knowing that we will buy them. We love to help, but we do not have alot. We feel like we are working for nothing. I do not know how to handle it. She will not listen to us, she will listen to her mother to a point, who said she is going to talk to her but I don't know when. I don't want our 8 mo granddaughter to go without, but where do we draw the line? I feel guilty if we don't help but when we do I feel taken advantage of. Any suggestions?
I really admire you sharing this with us. You need to help her realize that none of her problems are going to get fixed unless she takes the responsibility and fixes them herself. She needs to work on her own well-being and self-perception first, so there will be a foundation laid for the changes that are to come in the future.
@micudamc. I so feel your pain not wanting your grandchild to go without. I have been “helping” my daughter fiancially for 7 yrs. now. They live with me which unfortunately makes it harder to not help. In the long run who is it really helping? He never wants for anything and this Is not a good lesson for him. I feel taken advantage of regularly. It’s a vicious cycle the giver resents the receiver and the receiver of the support resents the giver. It is quite a dilemma. My problem is I don’t know how to stop doing this. It has to at least slow down I want her to be prepared for the next chapter in life but I feel like I am stopping that process. It’s hard so hard to not help out in every aspect but when is enough enough?
I agree. I just don't know where to draw the line. I have asked her to come over so that I can help her set up a budget but she will not. Her father feels the same way, but we don't know how to get her to listen. We want to tell her that when she gets paid she needs to at least buy enough diapers, wipes, etc. for the baby for two weeks and then buy what she needs. We do not want to alienate her and have her get angry and not let us see our precious angel but where do we draw the line? I go through an episode like this with her and then for the next week I am so depressed, stressed, anxious and just sad. How do we get her to understand that she needs to file the paperwork for custody and child support (even though he is not working). She has all the papers but keeps putting it off because she doesn't want to cause conflict with her ex. But there are things that we need for our house that we have been trying to save for and end up spending on the baby instead. I cannot go on feeling this way and feeling like I am being taken advantage of but don't know where to go from here.
@Sellen fearing that if you stop supporting her fiancially you will not se the grandkids amounts to emotional extortion. It’s scary and down right abusive. She may not even se le the damage she’s causing. I wish I had some helpful hints for you but I am pretty much in the same boat.
Try explaining to her very gently how you feel and how much stress this causes you. Like I said she’s probably not aware of what you are going through. Keep strong eventually something has to give right?
Have a blessed day
Thanks, you too. It really helps just to talk to someone who understands!
@Sellen you’re so welcome
Does she actually live with you?
No, not anymore, she and a friend just got an apartment last month.