Dear friend,
I don't care about your stupid guy problems. You never learn. You're not stupid or ugly- you are just frustrating and sheltered and I am beginning to think benignly selfish!!! The same problem you've had time after time after time for years!!!!! I don't have all the answers. I don't have any answers. I can't decide your life for you. I can barely figure out my own life. It's not right that you put all this responsibility on me. You don't even know how unfair you are to ask this of me. You are like a child! No matter what I say you just ask more of me. You ask the same questions of me. Over and over till I am afraid of you talking to me. And you know the worst part? You never fucking ask me about me. You never act like you care and you don't even realize it. Even when I bring up myself you just change the subject back to you. Or get uncomfortable and have to do something else. You only take, never give. And you don't even know it.
I just told them something like this in a much more calm way. They seemed to get it, sort of. Now at least I don't feel like I'm going to explode. Whatever. Story of all my non-romantic-relationships.
May I ask about you? I'd like to hear about you.
Lol can I just hug you? I’m really sorry about ranting like that but thank you so much for commenting. Seriously though, I am sending you such a huge hug.
You don't have to apologize, it's the perfect place to rant. I love hugs, so thanks! Seriously, I'm here to listen to anything and everything, talking with people on this site has really been wonderful.
So if you do feel like sharing... please do!
Abbey
Thank you so much! lol this is so silly but I think I am going to print out a picture of your first comment and put it on my wall. It just took me by surprise and made me so happy. Thank you, really. I will. How are you today? :D
Your friend,
M
I'm so glad it made you happy!
I am wide awake as usual- trying to clean up a GIANT mess created in my apartment by months of avoidance, depression, etc. Got a good start but now I'm rather caught up in doing stuff online. Dreading going to my god-awful job in 5 hours. The people there are truly terrible people. Though the business closes in one week so I'm out of a job. A bad one, but a job nonetheless.
In particular missing my Grandfather who passed about 8 months ago. While cleaning, I found the necklace that I bought with my cousin (really more of a sister) at the hospital gift shop. I asked her which she liked best and then I bought us each one, I often buy us a little piece of cheap jewelry when we're together during a difficult or important time. We put them on and spent the next 2 days by my Grandpa as he passed.
He was amazing, and he was the one who caught me red-handed with my drug addiction. Because I was stealing from him. He's a doctor and his house was full of pain medication. I'm crying now... he didn't even yell. And he forgave me. I still struggle and I hate to think what he'd say if he knew I still slipped up. But I know he wouldn't be angry. He'd give me a little lecture and I'd be uncomfortable, god was I so ashamed when he caught me. I'd do anything for him to be here right now catching me using Adderall that's not mine.
He caught on quickly, he's a doctor after all, and finally he just followed me when he knew I was sneaking off to take it. All he said was 'I think this is a good thing and I'm glad I get to talk to you about it. You have a problem with narcotics.' I cried and cried and he never even raised his voice.
I don't know what got me so caught up in that... but he's the kind of man you mourn deeply for a very long time. The last day he was able to communicate, I read him the story he told my dad and his brothers and sisters when they were little, he made it up himself. I changed it so that the main character had to come home to visit someone very important to her because she loved him. He struggled to get the words out but he chuckled and said 'that's nice Abb.'
Whew... that's a lot to process.... thank you for asking, I guess I needed to say some stuff.
Thank you so much for sharing it with me. My eyes are tearing up. Your grandfather sounds like such an amazing man, I feel grief too, knowing he is gone from this world. I'm sorry to hear about how hard things are for you right now. I know what it's like to have an awful job and dread seeing co workers. I'm sorry that the company you work for is closing soon. I hope you have someone to help you? How are you right now with adderall? Do you have anyone to help you through it? Would it help to think of your grandfather seeing you right now? I am here for you.