I feel like I can't breathe and there just isn't any air. Everything has happened so fast lately. My husband said he wants a separation in Feb and today I get a rough draft of divorce papers from him. I know we don't belong together and this is for the best, but how do you stop the pain? It hurts so bad and I feel so alone. How do you hide all your pain from your child???
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Hiding the pain isn't easy. Even knowing what is happening is for the best doesn't make doing it any easier. I have found little things help, such as I started working out everyday and it seemed like a good way to work off some of the built up emotion. Also allowing yourself some private crying time in the shower each day can also help. I sympathize.
Thanks. I too started working out recently to try to let go of some of the pain and it was helping, but now it all seems like too much. I just can't stand my son seeing me so miserable and I can't seem to stop it.
I understand your need to protect your children from the pain. It's hard to be the strong one when you just want to lie down and die. Staying busy is the best thing and even then your going to hurt. Hopefully being able to talk to others who are sharing your pain will help you be able to start healing.
I just know right now that I never want to feel this pain again. To be just thrown away like that, how do you ever trust again? Maybe in time I guess.
I feel exactly the same way. When we separated 4 months ago, I thought we both wanted to take some time apart, to get our heads clear and think about our future. Now-so quickly it seems-I get the email, he wants to "move forward" with a divorce. I guess he feels our marriage was a mistake. I'm so mad at being tossed aside, like oops, I guess I shouldn't have married her. Like you said, the pain is so bad and I probably won't trust anyone again. When someone you love and trust says I want to spend my life with you, will you marry me-then changes his mind. So hard to feel that I didn't live up to his expectations. Its like a knife in my heart and I can't stop crying,
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I was through a shocking divorce several years ago and I had the same feelings you're experiencing of not feeling like I can breathe and wanting the emotional pain to stop. I hated it when people would say it will all heal with time because I needed immediate help and this "time" business was just too slow! So now that I'm on the other side I don't want to say the same thing to you. There will still be pain weeks, months and years from now, but what will change is it won't be so much in your face. I had to suffer for a long time but I feel I grew from it in a way and I'm stronger now and a better person. I'm still struggling with trust issues and I'm still angry but I try not to let it overwhelm me as much as it once did. Let yourself feel the pain because if you try to block it, it will only sneak up at some other time and it might be worse. I ended up hospitalized because I hid my pain and pretended everything was fine just so I could feel that the pain went away, and a few months later I snapped. Let whatever emotions out and don't feel like you have to be strong all the time you will feel better doing that.
Everyone yesterday kept telling me how great, wonderful, sweet, and kind I am and in my head all I can think of is well if I am all those things, then why was I so easily thrown away? Am I just good enough for temporary love?
My husband asked for a divorce on valentines day after 24 years of marriage. The one thing I am learning is that this has nothing to do with me. I do regress at times, feeling low self worth, but then I see that is only hurting myself. There are times that I want to call him and just "talk ", and then I realize this would only be hurting me. My goal is to not communicate with him unless I absolutely have to. This I found empowers me. I finally set boundaries with him to let him know I would not be playing his games, and I feel he got the message. No more stupid texts and he finally moved his work truck away from our home so I didn't have to see him everyday. There are a lot of memories from our past, and these make me anxious, but I am in control of how long I will allow myself to stay there. What I am saying is I know this is one of the hardest things I have ever been through. The pain is more than I can sometimes bare. I do know that I need to take back my life. And the more I do this, the more powerful I feel in this uncontrollable circumstance. When it comes to loving yourself again " fake it until you make it" and do not let anyone have control over you.
@Rukiddingme Thank you for sharing that - it really helped me today.
Amen! This is what I needed to read and hear. I did not realize allowing my cheating ex to call me was so destructive. She still denies and tells me if I believe her lies we can be together again. Those of you who have cheating ex mates that admitted the obvious are among the lucky ones.
Thank you all for your support and I am sorry that we all are going through this tough period in our lives.
Rukiddingme: I absolutely love your quote "fake it until you make it"
Sometimes you can not hide it from your child and I know this. Just tell them the truth, you are hurt and need to cry and that it is okay to to cry. But don't let them see you not try and get better. We are all going through this together as you said. We can help each other.