I feel like I died a long time ago....all the parts that mat

I feel like I died a long time ago....all the parts that matter in a person. Only I don't know when it happened? I think life just chipped away at me from before I can remember and now that I'm almost 40....there's almost nothing of me left. My poor spouse...I feel so bad for anyone who loved who I was, once. I know it breaks their hearts to look at me. Thankfully, my children seem oblivious, MOSTLY, so far. Because I'm letting down everyone I love. No matter what they tell me.

3 Hearts

@wasntready Welcome to SG! You will meet many wonderful people here, fondly called a SG friends. The bottom of the page is a FAQ, it will assist you in navigating the site. The top right side of this page are numerous groups, also there is a Support Someone icon, familarized yourself with them. You may join as many groups as necessary. There is a PTSD group. SG friends are here, to support, and be supported. Be strong the best is yet, to follow.....

Hi, @mywonderlandslost thank you. Well, I'm afraid it would take more time than i have today (plus I CANNOT relive it all). But I'll be happy to give you the jist. Childhood abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), abusive 1rst marriage (he took our two kids and I didnt find them until 13 years had passed), severe drug, alcohol abuse all my life (just down to medical marijuana now....have been for about a year. I kicked opiates before that, which I had struggled with since I was 10...that was my drug of choice and it almost killed me several times, to be honest.) I was diagnosed with a golf-ball sized tumor pushing up against my brain stem so I had brain surgery....2 times, because the first one failed. Ive tried to commit suicide since I was 12. that first time was with a bottle of aspirin. The last time was in March. I crashed my car into a wall on the freeway. Miraculously, as always, I lived. I was in a coma for a week and now I have a broken back and a traumatic brain injury. My depression is baaaaaaaaaaad. And my anxiety is always thru the roof. I can count on my fingers the times that ive left this house in the last year. That's the jist...maybe a lil more, ha! anyway....it's hard to share. I want a cigarette now and I don't even smoke! ha.

1 Heart

Oh, thank you @mywonderlandslost. Please know that you can vent to me as well....maybe I can help?? I guess I shouldve mentioned the two rapes I experienced...they were pretty significant. I know it seems like Im lying, after a while....I wish I was. But God just wont let me die. ?

1 Heart

Thank you. Hugging you back!