I feel like I have no privacy around my dad. My dad wants to know what I'm doing 24/7, what my plans are for the day, which he asks me every morning, if I'm going out, he wants to know where I'm going, who I'm going with, when I'll be back etc. I feel like I have no privacy, and it's driving me crazy. Half of that stuff he asks about, he doesn't even need to know and he always says things like, "If you weren't my kid, if you didn't live here, I wouldn't be asking." or "Don't come looking for me if you need help then," or like, "I guess you won't be doing (whatever it is he was asking about)," but that still doesn't stop his behavior. I feel like a 5 year old kid that just can't be trusted with anything. He's so overbearing, I can't handle it anymore.
That's why kids these days don't fully rely on their parents, mostly because they don't give them space, which is understandable since they want their kids to be safe, but being always protective to them can cause conflicts between them and their kids. I've heard that kids had their room doors removed because it's how their parents are constantly watching what they're doing, etc. I know, it's terrible and it's considered to be aggravated stalking.
@KidDJ Yeah, I’ve been wanting to move out, but since I’m still financially dependent on them, I can’t. My dad also yelled at me and guilt tripped me the last time I brought up moving out. I feel like even if I was fully independent, he still won’t let me move out.
I remember when this happened to me, I ended up staying home always unless it was exrra curricular activities, my only escape. I had no friends because I just was sick of the judgement, no matter what. My sister was smarter, she went ahead and had friends ANYWAY. She simply told my mother where she went etc., and just accepted that my mother is highly anxious. She fared better because she chose to look at it as "mom is worried", whereas I saw it for what it ALSO was, control and manipulation. Theres no right answer, because the outcome is maladaptive no matter what because the parent is not "okay" and has a disorder. It really does feel horrible. As I grew older, I simply did whatever I wanted, and didnt respond to my mothers texts, because my boundaries as an adult. I cant tell you what to do, except that if you can, play along but detach from the asking. It's insanely annoying. yes. I recommend volunteering information, such as I am going to the library to finish my work. I recommend libraries. They are true refuge from a parent with narcissism. Not to mention, surrounded by books you can channel your inner matilda, have access to incredible movies from film hustory, access to free adove software and classes to learn adobe. It's a great place, to invest in your education to a far away college to get a job and never return. Thats what I wish I would have done in the beginning. If theres a career you want, invest your heart and soul into it, and get an entry level job, and escape. Minimize narcissistic abuse from a parent by escaping to libraries and use school as an excuse. It's what works and pacifies their ego and OCD like desire for control.
@Blueberries1234 btw my mother STILL asks me what Im doing right now, as if it’s a substitute for true intimacy. What are you eating. What are you doing. And not really for any other reason except to have something to talk about. Narcissists are boring people. When they ask your plans, the thought that enters is well, if I tell them theyll judge me. if I dont tell them theyll think Im lazy, dont plan my day, etc., and then give me a task to do. Similar to how you expect to do at work with a controlling critical boss. You really cant win. And so sometimes you might get angry or be silent. and then met with their tantrums. self deprecating or anger. Just say you plan to go to the library after school. Thats it. Just say you decided you need to work hard at school and decided tou want to make them “proud”. You have to play their game, if you wajt to get away. When you get away, and move away you are free.
Tough being a teen at times. Remember there are so many kids now days that have parents that don't care one way or another. Here's a fact, and you might be able to look it up on the net. Many schools across the USA hand out polls to their students. One of the biggest answers on the poll from teens is, "I wish my parents took more of an interest in my life". That's a fact. Then of course there are parents like your dad I'm guessing that are to controlling. It's difficult to find a happy medium for many parents and families. I used to tell mine, "If I didn't care or love you, I wouldn't ask". As I said first, it's tough being a teen at times. Well it's tough being a parent also. A parent always worries. A parent can't get out of their mind, the worst things can happen. My dad was a true Narcissist. On top of that he was also a social alcoholic. He drank at home, maybe a glass of wine five times in my life. But he stopped at a bar everyday after work, and came home mean, often. I was told by my stepmom, always tell one of them where I was going, no matter what. My dad would usually say, "I don't give a d*@m I'm watching the show. Or, I'm watching the God-d*^m show, be quiet". He never asked where I was, even at a very young age. He never wanted to know if I had a good time etc. Most days I heard him say, Morning, bye, hi and night, after I said those words first. If I never said anything, he didn't either. Of course he had massive anger issues and needed a whipping boy to scream at. So there could be a lot of yelling from him. My point in this is, your dad does care. It's hard on you both. Plus it's difficult for a parent to see their child grow up. I can't make excuses for your dad. And I am sure it's hard to live there and be subjected to his questioning. But there are two sides. And both can be good and bad at times. No matter what is said and done, remember you do have a dad. Far from perfect, but he's there. Many kids don't even have one parent. My mom left me in a motel and walked away. I was about 16 months old. I never knew her. Good or bad, as a kid you think about that often. He is over bearing I'm sure. And it isn't easy for you. But your dad is there. And does care in is own way. I just want you to see the whole picture. As they say, be careful what you wish for......
@constructionjim Yeah, I get what you’re saying, but I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m in my 20’s and it’s getting kinda annoying. Sometimes he wants this, sometimes, he wants that and the double standards. I feel like I can’t do anything on my own unless I tell him first. And yet, he’s always telling me to be more independent.