I'm 19 years old and I'm a very nervous person. I struggle to talk to people I don't know. When I'm in a conversation with someone, I always assume they're thinking about what a nervous idiot I am. I can't just hang out with someone without feeling uncomfortable and thinking how boring I must seem. I often sweat when I'm talking to someone, especially a girl.
So I often compensate by being quiet and not talking to anybody. When I'm talking, I feel like I'm looking stupid anyways, so I might as well just not say anything. When I am talking to somebody, I just try to be as nice as possible in hopes that they'll like me. I've joined a lot of charity organizations and given a lot of money away to homeless people. I never break plans, even if the person breaks plans with me all the time. If I had a dollar for every person that told me I had good karma coming my way, I would be rich. I've since learned that "being nice" doesn't get you very far, especially if you don't have the courage to reach out to other people.
I actually have a few good friends, but I even still feel nervous around them. I begin to tell myself I'm too uninteresting to amuse them, and that makes me even more uncomfortable. When I go to parties or clubs I generally just sit off by myself, and if I try to interact with others I end up looking ridiculous.
And, as you might be able to guess, I'm not to good with the opposite sex. I've never kissed a girl because I'm too nervous to talk to them. I hate it. Girls just don't want to be around me, because I'm so high-strung and boring.
I crave attention. If I feel like I'm being ignored and people aren't paying attention to me, I get passive-aggressive and try to get sympathy.
I want to get passed this. I want to no longer live in a state of fear and anxiety. I want to go to parties and have a good time. To have a deep connection with people. To not feel like a nervous wreck every time I'm with someone.
Hi JakeGo, Welcome to SupportGroups.com. How are you doing today? Have you ever sought counseling for help with this? If not, then I suggest doing so. Counseling may be of help to you in dealing with this and give you tool to use in your life. Please feel free to keep sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))
Crippling anxiety and I are old friends.
You didn't mention meds, so I assume you don't take them. This is a good thing. I did and became addicted to them which added a host of problems to an already dysfunctional life.
I am a firm believer in 12 step programs. I joined a fellowship and by working the steps I have eased the unfocused fear that paralyzed me for so many years.
After years of medications, therapy, and religious pursuits I came to a spiritual (not religious) awakening and let a power greater than my disease do for me what I could not do for myself.
JakeGo, you should feel proud of yourself! you should feel proud that you yourself came to the conclusion that you want to change. Change only comes that way. I agree with bluidkiti you should think about going for counseling this will help you come to terms with why you feel this way and help you come into yourself.
Keep us updated, hope you do better soon! :)
Thank you for your support, everyone. I can't tell you enough how much it means to me.
bluidkiti/Taylor Jones: Counseling has always seemed foreign to me, because my family is still convinced that I'm perfect and happy, and I've never wanted to ruin that for them.
I'd always wanted to get help, but deep down I didn't want to acknowledge that I had problems. What if people from school found out? That was the old me. Now, I'm willing to turn around my life for the better.
I've looked for some depression/axhiety groups, and found a couple that look interesting. I'm going to give them a shot tommorow. I mainly want to check them out and see if they're worth my time.
avid: I used to take excessive amounts of pills when I was younger just to escape from reality. Fortunatly I've moved past that, but alcohol is a bit of a problem for me.
I'm too young to go out and buy it myself, which limits my ability to atain it, but at events/get-togethers/parties I'll often overdrink to make up for my lack of social skills.
I definitely suggest your seeking counseling. I am an alcoholic in recovery. While alcohol may help you feel better, it’s only temporary. It is also a depressant. You need to get to the root of your problems not escape them with alcohol which can lead to bigger problems down the road.
Glad to see you have found some groups and are going to check them out. Let us know how it goes.
Hey! I just read your post, i am going to send you a message, and i know i never see those things but so i figured i would let you know on here so you check it :)
Jake, glad you decided to see groups. It doesn't matter what people think or know or think they know! Some ppl know about my problem and I just have to learn to not care and move on. Obviously, easier said than done- just as anything else. Hope you get all you want from this!
TJ
not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but i first sought therapy/counseling on my college campus... there are resources out there in the vast scary world, but school is the easiest if you're enrolled!
hi jake ,hows the groups going,i am not writing as a person with anxiety but as a mum who loves her 13 year old daughter who has social phobia /anxiety.when i read what you wrote youre feelings of what it is like for you are just what i watch my daughter go through every day.i took her out of school last year every day for her was unbearable,haze is fine when it is just family but is unable to cope with strangers and kids her age she says she feels sick, dizzy and her heart is beating out of her chest,she has 2 friends and she is happy with this,i know she would like to be able to socialise more but finds it so frightening.are you not able to open up to youre family? i always knew haze was shy but not how bad it had become until she sat down and told me i was so proud of her ,and it is my responsibility to give all the support i can,so we went to the dr,she was extremely understanding ,and haze is waiting to be referred to a physicitrist for cognetive behaviour therapy,which apparantly is great as it is one to one .sorry about waffling on i really hope you find youre life becomes happier take care
I really feel for you although my mental health probs are worse in other areas - I can still understand what you are going through.
Believe me you should be very proud of yourself that you have acknowledged your feelings and problems and realised they are an illness and that at a very young age you have sort after help from support groups & specialist.
Half the fight is acceptance and being proactive and the real want for change and doing something about it - well done you. continue your good start to turn your life into what you want it to be - learn to love yourself and love living your life! The world is your oyster and only you can choose your paths and direction in life! And im sure there will be knock backs and mistakes made but dont punish yourself with put downs, just perservere and be proud of things you do do and achieve no matter how big or small. Set yourself bite size goals and take everyday as it comes as a new day! In time you will reach those goals and forfill your ambitions and make your dreams come true.
Keep writing - thoughts are with you xx
Hi, Jake! My family of origin wants to appear "perfect" as well!...and counseling is for those "less than perfect". I therefore delayed getting help for years, and when I did, I had to sneak around!
When people recommend counseling, that's great advice, but there are many different types of counseling...I think it is important to be aware of this.
For instance, Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy or Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy will help you dispute your irrational thoughts.
For instance, where is the proof that you seem boring or uninteresting when talking with someone? Where did you find this information?
Another good thing about REBT is that it has methods of replacing black and white thinking(I should always get A's, and if I get a B, I'm a failure, etc.) with more realistic modes of thinking.
Just so you know, when I read your post, I certainly didn't find it boring...I thought it was interesting and a very heartfelt letter.
I grew up in a family that didn't discuss problems or alloy anger. I had the same kind of what my family called shyness but I wasn't really shy. I just felt like I was being judged or watched and felt that I didn't measure up to what I should be doing by communicating like everyone else and not feeling my face go red and my throut burning with embarrassment.
It is hard, I know. Please just try to be you. And it helped me to just push myself and face these hard social situations and finally it started to turn around for me. You will also, I was in my 20's before I started to feel better about it.
Go and get em! You are the same as everyone else and you can do it!!!
who said people dont want 2 be around u? im sure that they do, and u thinking they dont is all in your head, so just get out there cause u seem like a gr8 guy!
good luck!
