I feel like ppl have given up on me and i dont know what to do about it. feels like i have no one to turn to
I'm so sorry for how you feel right now. It can be so hard when you feel like you're stuck in a rut and no one can understand or pull you out of it. If you want change though, ask for it. Ask for help. I know it's hard, but this is your life that's at stake. I would consider taking a leap and calling one of your close friends or family. Tell them what you're going through, and that you need someone right now, and that you need help getting through this. It takes such courage to be vulnerable, but can lead to great results. There's no shame in asking for what you need, especially if it will improve your life. Hang in there, and know that we're here for you too. You can do this, don't give up.