I feel numb and lost

The medicine i am on has taken away most of my voices, all except one voice. I know i should be happy but i miss the voices, very much so. I am now left feeling so numb and without any emotions at times. I don't like how i feel and nooone can understand. They think i should be happy the voices are gone, but im not.

sweetie,
I am so sorry for how you are feeling...i don't have schizophrenia myself, but from what i understand some of the voices can be very friendly.

Are you in therapy hun for this? It's so important that you don't do this alone...you are not alone feeling like this hun...please don't come off your meds, talk to your doctor about how you are feeling.

Love to you hun
Moongal x

Filmy- I hear voices too and I am also on a medication to make them stop. Sometimes i still hear them and when i don't I feel empty, my meds even out my mood because i also have bipolar so I just feel like a zombie walking around. Message me if you want to chat sometime! good luck with everything.

Filmy, I hear voices and I am on meds that has taken some of them away. I understand what you mean about missing them because some of my voices kinda helped me. The reason I'm writing this is because I can relate to you feeling numb. I am going through a divorce. It is because of my schizophrenia were getting divorced. Anyway I left Feb.25 and since then I have felt nothing. I feel emotionaly dead. But last week,one day, my emotions hit me all at once and it was more than I could handle. I haven't felt that much emotional pain ever and I had nowhere to turn. I did call my church and went and talked to someone. I don't like feeling this way, numb, and I was wondering if it's the meds I'm on, or my mental illness, or if this is normal.

I think nummbness and emotional detachment are things that every person with sz can relate to . They are both a symptom of the illness (negative symptom) and also can be made worse by certain of the meds....

My family has basically "cut me off" because of my emotional detachment...They have no clue how much suffering this causes ME all they can see is how it affects them...and they somehow think that I don't CARE about them or their issues, just because I do not demonstrate a visible reaction to their issues. But this is not the case....it is possible to LOVE and to CARE about someone...without being in touch with the emotions associated with that love. Love is a decision and an action...NOT solely an emotion. They don't GET that.

I am horribly missing my voices also. I feel so relieved that someone else feels this way. My life is much more "normal" now than it was and I am functioning at a much higher level...but my brain is empty...and so is my heart. I feel like the shell of a person with silent thoughts and silent emotions. My life is empty....and I feel so alone in this yawning silence.

I wonder where my voices have gone...are they bound and gagged but still there, bursting with the urge to have their say? Or have they been killed outright? I know that if I go off of my meds and get sick again, it will be a short ride to a state hospital for long term commitment...that is the point where I left off when they got my illness "under control"...and that is where I will resume it...Is it worth that to hear them speak again? I don't know. I don't know.

qadosh@him,
thank you for putting it so reasonably, yet heart-rendingly. it is a shame and a horror that those are the only choices you have. you are so lucid about your experience, and how the assumptions made about the "illness" are just that. i cannot tell you how i appreciate your perspective.

i am so happy to find that others feel the way i do. there are friendly helpful and caring voices in there. sometimes they are the only things that care and make me feel grounded and normal. normal for me, that is.

i don't know where i want to be on the "under control" scale, because it means blocking off so much of the parts of me that are real.

it's an awful thing to have to think about.

it is tragic that we lose a part of ourselves, or feel empty in heart or mind, by taking something that is supposed to "treat" an "illness." there is something wrong with the model.