I feel so incredibly isolated. I've been struggling with dep

I feel so incredibly isolated. I've been struggling with depression, anxiety and self-harm for almost 6 months now with intensive treatment and medication and I just feel like there is still no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm just a burden on my friends and my boyfriend resents me for what I am going through. He gets upset with me every time I get depressed or panicked, and then says that my mental illness is hurting and driving him away. I just don't know what to do anymore because I desperately need a support, but I feel like instead of getting help, I'm always having to cover up my feelings or behaviors in order to protect other people from myself. I love my boyfriend and the good times are very good, but when he hurts me which he does a lot, there's nothing more I want to do than cut over and over and over. Every night I pray I just die in my sleep of some random heart attack or something so that I die but also spare my family the guilt and grief of my suicide. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been trying so hard to get help but nothing ever gets better.

it all takes time. Not your time. It will be okay.