I feel so lost right now. I have been pushing everyone away from me lately. Not because I don't want them around, but because I want to spare them the pain of what I am going through. If the new scans I go for this week don't hold any promise of a real fix, then Im not so sure this life is worth living. Its like I have no control over anything anymore. I want to be me again. I want my life back. But I don't think I will ever see that life again....I've lost hope that one day I may not feel this much pain.
5 Hearts
I'm no stranger to pain, but you shouldn't give up hope
1 Heart
@I Its hard to keep up hope when all I have look forward to everyday is waking up alone and in so much pain I am instantly in tears before I even get out of bed.
What is your young, adorable self suffering with regarding 'scans'?
Please forgive me. I just read your story. And now just feel like an idiot. I'll be praying for you - very hard.
1 Heart
@Afflicted50 My profile picture that you see, that pretty little smile, was a mask. And people are too quick to judge before they know all the facts. I could post pictures of my scars and show the real deal. Maybe if I were to not hide my pain behind a pretty smile people would believe me more, maybe even the doctors. Seems like no one believes me anyhow, at least not anyone that has to power to do anything about it. But every deep breathe or movement I make, feels like I am being sliced apart on the inside. And thats because my insides are so messed up from ***** cowboy surgeons screwing up a few times too many, that they can't even find a safe place to even cut me open anymore. So now, no surgeon wants to even touch me.
1 Heart
And save your prayers for someone else…
Okay. And I probably don't either; I'm merely a hypocrite anyway. Sorry, and good luck on Judgment Day.
This too shall pass. Change will always knock on life's door. You wont be here forever. Hold on :)
@SunnyTomorrow Thank you for being there for me. I am afraid if I let the real me show through, I'd lose it. I'm so tired of people, family and doctors thinking I am faking this.
@SunnyTomorrow Beautifully said Sunny, I have known pain, and I more thank another knows that pain is its own island and that those that are on it hurt and those hurts cannot be compared, pain is pain, you feel it, you become it, nobody can compare what they feel to your pain and they should not, but let me say this, what this girl has endured is awe inspiring, what she still goes thru everyday is mindboggling. i think she should stay strong, but know that she can droop here, know that she can cry and rant and rave and blame god and fate and the universe because so many of us have been there and done that, then i think she should pick up her shining mantle and put it on again because she is going to need it, need the strength and neeed the weakness and need the site. She blows me away and I admire her very much and for more than her pain or strength, but for her determination . bleesed Be.
Keep going. It will get better. Chronic pain is a horrible thing. iv been experiencing it for 2 years(couldn't imagine that long). Keep looking for doctors. have you ever thought about seeing a lyme disease specialist? Lyme disease is supper similar to many chronic pain syndromes and is overlooked by many doctors. Its actually an epidemic in the country right now but is kept on DL by the government because they don't know how to fix it. You don't need the "bullseye" bug bite or even notice the bug bite to have it. Don't give up and disregard the doctors who do not give a **** and don't want to try hard for you. You are important! You are great and id have to say chronic pain sufferers are the strongest people on this planet. I understand not getting support from the people around you. My parents are just now believing that there is something wrong but still barely help me. call me lazy regularly, tell me I'm fat and ask me why i don't go to the gym(I'm now 130 pounds, used to be 115 before this), why i don't take more classes at school, why i sit around. But i try and not loose hope. Ill admit, i cry almost every day about this. I've lost who i was and i miss my old self more than anything. Stay positive even though its nearly impossible. don't quit. keep seeing doctors. switch insurance. give them the finger and say **** you if they don't believe you, take you seriously or try their hardest to help you. Ill pray for you.
-Fellow Chronic Pain Sufferer
@PaigeB5 I have been tested for lymes and do not have it. I do have a slue of other medical conditions unrelated to my intestinal injuries. I have trigeminal neuralgia, Arnold Chiari Malformation and degenerative disk disease. I am a hot mess of medical problems.
@SunnyTomorrow trigeminal neuralgia is where you are constantly feeling as though you are being electrocuted in the face. Its a nerve cluster that branches across your mouth, your nose and your eyes. So when that flares up, a tear rolling down my cheek feels like broken glass cutting me.
Arnold Chiari is where the base of your skull is too small and your cerebellum(the base of your brain) is being pulled down into your spinal column. Both of those are genetic birth defects that I got from my mother who got it from her mother. All 3 of us have the same 2 congenital defects to differing degrees.
@SunnyTomorrow Hun, if you ever need to vent, or talk, I am there for you. For me, helping others through their trials and tribulations helps me to navigate mine. It is easier to be angry at what life has thrown at us and bogged us down with than to embrace those things and grow from them. Some days I am so flippin angry that I cant even stand to be around myself. But I am starting to realize that being so angry all the time at my misfortune is exhausting. I used to harm myself when I was younger because I felt that I couldn’t control the pain from the accident. And that by hurting myself I could control some aspects of my pain. But that was just a false sense of control. Later I realized that the best way to control my pain was to accept that it is something that I couldn’t control and released that burden.
Acceptance is a big part of learning to deal with pain. I know it's not easy, but it does help. I'm here to help too.